tag:marybethmusic.com,2005:/blogs/musaic-musings?p=6Art, Passion, & Purpose2022-04-06T13:53:46-06:00Mary Beth Maziarzfalsetag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110472011-05-10T08:00:00-06:002021-07-19T13:19:00-06:00Lost in "LOST"In August of last year, my husband Mark and I pulled the first season of the TV show “Lost” off our DVD shelf. It had entered our lives via Ashley -- a sweet, but unreliable babysitter we’d had a few summers ago -- who thought we might like it and had brought it over for us to check out. The set of DVDs became marooned on our media bookcase when she inexplicably stopped coming (and answering texts) one day.<br><br>
So, with our three-year-old asleep (and both of us surprisingly still awake and alert one late summer night), we launched into the world of <i>Lost.</i> (Let me note for the record here that, yes, I know we are behind the times and most of the world was into Lost for the last several years. We were apparently TiVoblivious; before starting to watch it, Mark and I both were under the impression that Lost was some kind of reality show.)<br><br>
We’d heard it was a well-done series, but had no idea it would be as engrossing and addictive as it turned out to be. The characters and their world came to life as we devoured each episode, often two or three at a time. I found myself thinking about the show as I went about my daily tasks, wondering at the wackier supernatural aspects of the plot and trying to weave together clues from different episodes in order to guess what was really going on with the ever more-complex plotlines. <br>
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We found ourselves keeping our obsession with the show private. It was too risky to mention socially, lest someone spoil the ending for us and wreck our delicious evening ritual.<br><br>
The end came, as it does. We watched the final episode last week, and though it was fairly satisfying, I feel empty, as if part of me is missing. <br><br><i>And this is why stories matter. </i> <br><br>
When we allow ourselves to be drawn into a good story, there’s a type of surrender that takes place. Like falling asleep or falling in love, we suspend practical concerns and fall into another world, where different things happen and different characters ask us to understand new points of view. When stories drift into the fantastic or a medium is limited, there’s a term -- suspension of disbelief -- for the leap that we’re asked to take in order to fully immerse ourselves in a narrative experience. <br><br>
I believe it’s this suspension of disbelief that moves us to write and read and lose ourselves in great stories. <br><br>
Children are champs at losing themselves in fantasy. They play-act all the time -- pretending and imagining are a natural part of their daily reality. I listen to our daughter Daisy as she plays with her mermaid Barbies and beloved stuffed “froggies,” hearing echoes of our real life interwoven with increasingly fantastic plots and dialogues. She’ll circle around the same topic a number of times when trying to understand a new concept or work something out. <br><br>
Teens are often admonished for forays into fantasy. We’re pulled -- kicking and screaming -- from the rich, dramatic narratives of music, complex video games, gossip, and young love. Instead, we’re ordered to get our heads out of the clouds, return to earth, buckle down and get serious. Most of us heed this sensible advice eventually, and in the process, discard one of our most instinctual methods of sorting out life’s puzzle pieces. <br><br>
And so by the time most of us reach adulthood, our fantasy/imaginative lives have been stripped to exercises of the ego or libido. We look for drama in our friendships and marriages -- sometimes finding it when it isn’t even there -- and create narratives about the rhythms in our workplace or neighborhood stops. <br><br>
But the lucky ones among us regularly find rich escape each time we allow ourselves to suspend belief and fall into a story. We travel across time and place, we meet new people, we inhabit the minds of animals or inanimate objects. We see ourselves in characters, we recognize similar dynamics in their lives, we note the paths they take in trying to resolve conflict and find love and fortune. Story serves as the surrogate for the playful parts of imagination that drift from us as we get older and ‘wiser.’ <br><br>
Today I reach out across the worlds of all the characters with whom I have laughed and cried, winced and willed great things. For those I’ve been lucky enough to have loved, and grieved in this odd way, I thank all the authors and the inspiration and the discipline and energy that brings them to life. I am forever grateful to you for the hours of escape, excitement, and adventure. <br><br>
Here’s to getting <i>Lost,</i> over and over again.Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110462011-03-16T05:15:00-06:002021-07-26T02:49:06-06:00The Agony and Ecstasy of Durable Creating<span style="font-size: medium; ">Daisy and I have been drawing pictures on the iPad before she goes to bed at night. She loves to turn off all the lights and set the background to black on the Fingerpaint app, so the bright lines of our drawings are the only illumination in the room. My mind wanders as we make our digital fingerpaintings. Isn’t this amazing? Isn’t it wild, how the tips of our fingers can create an image as they glide across the sensitive screen? Could we have imagined even a few years ago how easily we might save, send, or manipulate our work with a click of a setting or a single touch? <br><br>
And then it goes further. How is this technological ease changing art? How might it be changing the process of creating?
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When I first experienced the magic of ProTools and Finale (popular musical recording and notation software) in a music studio, I became inspired by the idea of how prolific the old musical masters might have been with the speed and ease of our modern recording tools. How many more symphonies might have been composed? How many more sonatas created, if the time- and labor-intensive process of painstakingly hand-written notation could have been circumvented with these incredible programs? <br><br>
I extrapolated. Not to suggest that I’m in the same category as the musical masters or anything, but if I had use of these at home, surely I’d be much more productive, too, right? How fortunate I am to live in an era where I can go buy, say, a Fostex 8-track recorder, or an MBox, or a laptop computer with GarageBand on it, and get right down to crankin’ out music to the best of my ability, right? <br><br>
Oh wait. Oh yeah. I did buy all those things. And I barely figured out how to use any of them. They didn’t make it easier or faster to write great music. If anything, they sat perched on the gear bench near my piano with a vaguely accusatory energy, making me feel like a loser that I wasn’t using them to write more often. And when a song did appear, it tended NOT to arrive when I was poised and ready, perfectly plugged in at the keyboard. It came while I was driving. Or working out. Or folding laundry. Inspiration has a persistent habit of showing up whenever it damn well pleases. And for whatever reason – maybe it’s a test of will, dedication – it seems to come at markedly inconvenient times. <br><div style="text-align: center; ">*** *** ***</div>
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Several times I’ve come across an interesting suggestion as to the distinction between spiritual and physical creating. It asserts that in the spiritual realm, things can be created instantaneously, effortlessly, but they don’t last. . . like cloud forms or sand drawings, creations dissipate almost as quickly as they are conjured up. The earthly realm, in contrast, is a much harder and slower place to make things, but here they last a very long time. So before and after our lives, as we float in whatever existence that may be, we are teased by the possibility of durable creating. It’s this desire for lasting effect that then inspires us to be born into these artist bodies and to create things. It’s this faint, vague memory of our mission that drives us forward through the difficult moments. <br><br>
I think about this too, in our iPad drawing sessions. Technology has made it easy to capture compelling images on our phones, to record songs in our bedrooms, to sculpt in SketchUp. In many ways, technology has allowed our reach to exceed the grasp of our skills or forethought. We are able to avoid investing money and time into the supplies and services that used to be required – the film, darkroom chemicals, recording engineer, materials – to merely try something. So, with less risk, we fling things around and see what sticks. We play – and in our play, sometimes come up with great stuff. The hows of process fade as we are able to skip to the final product more quickly and independently. We may create a kick-ass work, but have little idea of how we got it that way. <br><br>
I like the joy, the serendipity of creating without boundaries (perhaps with flashbacks to some spiritual type of creating), but it’s made me impatient. Crafting a song with care and thought feels harder, slower, lately. I find myself wondering how I might produce it with certain rhythm loops or backing vocals to gear it toward a specific music market, before the song is even finished. If a song doesn’t feel like it’s coming together right away, I feel more willing to abandon it. <br><br>
I’m working on shifting. When everything feels like an effort, I’m trying to remember to ask: What feels easy? What sounds good? Where might my desire be leading me to something better, if I’d only let it? <br><br>
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Notes to myself: <br><br>
1. Remember that there is a value in the fruits of struggle as much as in the swift, easy gifts of grace. Even if you don’t know yet what it is. <br><br>
2. Have fun with the toys, but don’t put off creating because you don’t have a certain one yet. It may not make a big difference in your process. Or a tiny little difference. <br><br>
3. Consider that the plodding, hardest, slowest part of a project might be the part that ensures it will endure. <br><br>
4. Be happy when you get lucky. (And be brave and persistent if you decide to figure out why.) <br><br>
5. There is no substitute, no technological shortcut, for solid skillful work, for technique, for pure muscle-memory saving your ass when everything else falls apart. In an opportune moment, your years of practice and discipline will show up for you in ways for which you will be incredibly thankful.</span>Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110432011-01-12T11:15:00-07:002018-04-16T01:18:04-06:00Confession: CHAOSMy life is a mess. Okay. I've said it. Is a music/creativity blog the right place to let this spill out? I'm not sure. But the theme here is "<i>Art, Passion, and Purpose," </i>all of which are being heavily affected by the current tornado-like state of my life. Ohhh honey. There's a <i>big old mess </i>going on. <br><br>
Environmentally, mentally, emotionally, physically. . . everywhere I look, there is STUFF needing action, consideration, resolution. It's like a paper monster has thrown up all over my life, leaving an angry trail of notes, receipts, crumpled-up kleenexes, grocery lists, prescriptions, Sundance tickets. And then a machine akin to a tennis ball shooter follows right behind, haphazardly tossing toddler toys, plastic containers for recycling, stray potpourri pinecones, damp mittens, and half-coiled chargers for our many personal electronics. I feel like I can't think straight; even ideas and thoughts feel half-done, fragmented. My digital life is neglected. . . I haven't posted on this blog in a ridiculously long time. I'm tired, but can't sleep because of the backup of concerns, tasks, and ideas lined up in my head like planes on a runway. I've had a cold for months, which has lately morphed into a post-nasal drip stage that tickles me into nightly coughing fits and begs me to keep my breathing shallow. <br><br>
In a fairly miraculous twist, relationships seem good. <i> I </i><i>think.</i> Maybe they'd be even better after a major clearing and streamlining. I know I'd be able to give them more thoughtful, undivided attention. I'm certainly not doing that now. 'Cause the rest of my life feels like it's gone through a blender. What. The. Hell. Is. Going. ON??<br><br>
Why is there so much CHAOS? Like Elizabeth Gilbert in "Eat Pray Love," I wonder (paraphrasing here) if it's all stemming from a certain influence. Is it hormonal? Thyroidal? Economic? Chemical? Astrological? Barometric??<br><br>
Does this have something to do with my purpose in life, my path? Am I transforming in some way? Shedding a skin (all over the place, apparently)? Preparing for a change or destiny I just can't see yet? Could I be careening toward some kind of blessed rock-bottom of chaos, a place so <i>hoard-tastic </i>that NOT changing will feel even more uncomfortable than making difficult longterm changes? <br><br>
In a brief (wonderful) foray into talk therapy a few years ago, I learned that when an issue is heightened in one area of your life, it's usually present in other areas of your life, too. And so here we are. Yes, indeed. I see it -- chaos, disarray, clutter -- <b>everywhere</b>. So what does it mean?<br><br>
I can still see a glint of humor in the situation, which I guess is something. Some alternate ideas for defining C.H.A.O.S. occur to me: <br>
<i>-- "Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome" <br>
<span style="font-size: smaller; "> (thanks Marla Cilley, "The FlyLady," for this one)</span><br>
-- "Cardiac Hell At Overseeing Stuff"<br>
-- "Can Happiness Apply to Overworked Stiffs?" <br>
-- "Creative Help At Once, Sister!"<br></i><br>
But no. Seriously though. <br><br>
Wait! Maybe this is all totally normal. Is "life disheveled" just a reality of trying to live a multi-faceted life with a three-and-a-half year old little explorer (or a few of them) in your midst? Most of our parent friends seem to share our struggle. At dinner parties, we nod vehemently to each other's New Year's resolutions to declutter. We share reviews of the best books about paring down. (My big recommendation lately: "<i>The Joy of Less" </i>by Francine Jay. It's great.) I guess it's possible that it's just par for the course -- keeping order with young children around is a lost cause. Phyllis Diller said, <i>"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing." </i> Well said, Phyllis. But isn't is also POSSIBLE to find a way to crawl out of the constant feeling of being rushed and buried by stuff and tasks? All you Virgos seem to manage to do it! (Dammit.) <br><br>
And to be really honest, none of these issues are new. As a kid, my mom begged/bugged/bribed me to try to keep my room clean. My habits caused riffs with college (and post-college) roommates. Yes, I'm a little ADD, yes I'm busy, yes I'm thinking about a cool creative project that is more interesting than emptying the dishwasher. But aren't we <i>all</i><i>?</i><br><br><b>What I want:</b> clean, clear, energized, complete, peaceful, warm, open to possibility. A sanctuary. A celebration of family, creativity, love and laughter. To be calm, focused, lighthearted. <br><br><b>I'm done with: </b> packed, heavy, crowded, tired, chaotic, old, overwhelmed. Feeling like we're living in a storage unit. A never-ending list of tasks, catching up, and putting off fun until later. Feeling like my moods are running away with me. Missing moments as I rush around.<br><br>
* * *<br><br>
There are some good deals in real estate in Park City right now, and we've talked about moving. And then we've talked about how we'd need to make major changes in the habits and rhythms of our lives in order to really enjoy a new home and keep it beautiful and clear. It's awful to think about finally having wonderfully generous space and storage, and <i>still </i>not being able to maintain our lives in a semblance of order. 'Cause <i>of course</i> it's not the lack of closets or whatever that is keeping us from the environment we want to experience everyday. It's us. (Maybe just <i>me</i>. Ouch!)<br><br>
There was one period in my life when I instituted a system of keeping things orderly -- and it ACTUALLY WORKED! It was inspired by a dynamo/site called www.flylady.net. The system focuses on a series of daily maintenance tasks, plus attention to one dedicated zone per day, with an extra focus area for the week. I found myself cheerfully creating a "Control Journal" for our home in which both daily maintenance and occasional or seasonal tasks like "organize CD collection" and "put up outdoor curtains on deck" were planned and scheduled, not completed in a frantic freak-out in the fifteen minutes right before people arrived for dinner. Check out flylady.net for more info; I find the site hard to navigate, but I sense that it's because a bunch of other right-brained people designed it, probably in a flurry of non-linear creative enthusiasm. In any case, it's worth the time exploring -- there's a ton of great information there, and lots of support. <br><br>
In any case, I'm going to resurrect the system. I'm pulling out the Control Journal. I'll share the journey back to sanity with you, including a downloadable copy of my binder pages, in case the lists I created for our life might apply to yours too. Always one to enjoy the chart making / formatting / buying-of-the-containers more than the actual DOING of the organizing job at hand, my lists are extensive, detailed, and <i>awesome</i> (if I do say so myself). <br><br>
There have been times when I've been able to make some cool music, dive deeply into writing, and enjoy some great creative adventures, but at the moment, getting my house (and life) in order is where I'm focused. Maybe you're a music-lover or artist or parent or delightful human being out there feeling the same kinds of pressures in YOUR life. If so, join me. Let's do this. I know I've probably spent too much energy over the years trying to appear 'together.' It's time to make some changes so that <i>appearing</i> gets bumped by BEING. <br><br><i>Here's where I'm going to start tomorrow:</i><br>
1) Drink water when I wake up and take vitamins. (physical)<br>
2) Calm down by breathing/sitting silently for ten minutes. (emotional)<br>
3) Put away <i>every strewn shred</i> of laundry. (environmental)<br>
4) Keep a notepad with me to jot down everything I'm worried about forgetting or not getting done. (mental) [Lifecoaches would say to include "Tolerations" around me. Might just do that.]<br><br><br><b><u>And for good measure, here are some things I'm thankful for today:</u></b><br>
--That Nordstrom's no-problem return policy is so easy and classy<br>
--That Daisy had a great time skiing today<br>
--That Felice is feeling good and Baby B is rockin'<br>
--That my book is finally available on Kindle <br>
--For the great messages left as comments on my last blog. <br>
Sheila, thanks again.<br>
--For an unfaltering wifi signal here at Coffee Connection on State St.<br>
--For wonderful warm evenings with friends lately<br>
--For how hard Mark laughs at www.damnyouautocorrect.com<br><br>
Thanks for reading. See you soon!<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br type="_moz">Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110452010-08-26T05:25:00-06:002021-07-19T02:25:41-06:00Making the Hard Stuff Look Easy, and the Easy Stuff HardI saw singer/songwriter guitarist <a target="_new" href="http://www.michaelkelsey.com">Michael Kelsey </a>play at the Egyptian Theatre in Park City a few weeks ago, and the experience is still resonating with me. We went on a last-minute whim, invited by friends who had extra tickets. Front row tickets, as it turned out! -- Thanks M & K! <br><br>
If you're not familiar with Michael Kelsey's music -- or should I say, <i>The Michael Kelsey Experience</i>? -- he's a force majeure. With incredibly skillful guitar-playing, percussive popping/slapping/tapping on the guitar, mic, or anything else that might make a cool sound, and strong songwriting and singing, he's a one-man-band of the most expressive kind. <br><br>
I kept having 'deep thoughts' throughout the performance (so much so, that I had to root around in my purse for a piece of paper to write them down. Which I did. The piece of paper I wrote all over turned out to be a prescription I needed to fill. Crap.) Kelsey’s playing reminded me of something Janis Ian said in a master class I attended at the Folks Fest Song School in Lyons, CO, years ago. She said, "to captivate your audience, you need to make the hard stuff look easy, and the easy stuff look hard." <br><br>
I think of this quote a lot when I see performers that are particularly engaging. Where are they straddling the line between ease and showmanship? Which parts are the ones they could do in their sleep? What did they need to practice over and over to appear so flowing and graceful? <br><br>
Then the wondering: where is that line for me? <i>Where am I flash or substance? Where is it work and where is it instinct?</i><br><br>
My thoughts reached back to an article I wrote about compelling stage performances . . . my conclusion was that we become fascinated with a performer when they do something <i>out of our perceived realm of possibility </i>– when they easily do something <i><b>we don’t secretly believe we could do ourselves</b></i> with the right amount of time or effort. I am quite sure that Michael Kelsey’s guitar-playing talent is something beyond my “perceived realm of possibility.” (At least for the moment. ☺) <br><br>
Another revelation from the back-of-the-prescription notes:<i> “Some performers make you want to practice harder. Others make you want to throw away your instrument, because, really. . . what’s the point!?”</i> Craig saw Prince in concert a few years ago and said it almost made him want to quit playing; Prince was so insanely talented -- <i>at his non-primary instruments, too, like bass and drums</i> -- that it was almost disheartening, even to someone I see as a magically gifted player like Craig. <br><br>
After a while, my ego started fighting with my enjoyment, asking me to rank my own skills in relation to Michael’s. <i>“All this percussive action, it’s just a gimmick,” </i>my ego suggested. <i>“The electronic looping and layering, unnecessary and too much going on.” </i>I gave these two thoughts a wide berth, letting them run their course, and decided that, <b>“Umm, Yeah, NO.”</b> He’s got skills that I don’t have, gifts I don’t know if I’m even interested in developing. So, sorry Ego. You lose this round. There is room up there for everybody, in a wildly fluctuating continuum of talent and skill and innovation and inspiration that moves among all of us who create and experience art. I’ve had some amazing moments; I hopefully will have more. Michael can have his too. <br><br>
In the meantime, I’ll work on making the hard stuff look easy. (Making the easy stuff look hard isn’t too challenging at the moment!)<br><br><br><u><i>Five Things I’m Thankful For Today:</i></u><br>
1. That Daisy is going back to school on Monday for more Montessori fun <br>
2. For good workouts that leave me energized and full of endorphins!<br>
3. For nice walks and neighborly drinks<br>
4. For our full bounty from the farmer’s market yesterday<br>
5. For the great visit home over the last few weeks<br><br><br type="_moz"><br>Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110442010-06-28T13:22:40-06:002021-07-29T15:59:49-06:00Summer shows, letting it flow. . . <span style="font-size: larger; ">I'm practicing up for the summer shows that start on Saturday night at The Homestead in Midway, thinking about how much my hands and voice retain in muscle memory, how much I need the work and polish that practice brings. . . <br><br>
I miss my old piano friend -- I haven't been playing very much lately. Daisy seems to sense the importance of the piano in my life and respond accordingly to the attention which shifts away from her when I practice. She'll usually immediately ask that I play her a song that she can do a dance to, or that I stop playing altogether. I know it's temporary, which makes it bearable. She's three. She'll be in school for whole days before we know it, and I'll have all the time in the world to play, but it's still tricky. I find myself journaling more, trying to keep up with the bottlenecks of emotion and complex thoughts that used to get worked out through the music. It helps, but as those of you who play or write music know, there's a special quality to the songs that soothes like nothing else. At times I feel like I don't know myself very well lately; I'm certain it's because of music's missing piece in my life. <br><br>
We're awash in verdant lushness in Summit Park. First the daffodils, then tulips, then the wave of bluebells taking over the wooded walkway. Now we're seeing allium and the start of the ground cover that has those purple flowers on it -- it's like floating through a fairy forest, getting to our front door! <br><br>
The work on the book over the last year and a half has been an interesting pause in my music life. . . it's helped remove the pressure to produce musically if I'm not inclined, to step back and listen to the music out there without the awareness and curiousity about how my current work measures up. There's something brewing -- it's been stirring inside for a while -- but the writing, release, and promotion of "Kick-Ass Creativity" has been a healthy place for me to spend my time. Working with thousands of words instead of hundreds has reignited my love of language and ideas. Thinking deeply about process and creativity has shined a light on the customs that I want to nurture or discard. I'm taking my own advice, and it feels good. Taking time to be quiet, to do the things that I really <i>want</i> to do in a given moment instead of always deferring to the 'shoulds.' <br><br>
I'm excited to play these shows this summer, as much for my own mental health and pleasure as for the fun that we'll have together. I can't wait to see you all. In case you're not on the mailing list, here's the <a target="_new" href="./calendar.cfm">link to the summer calendar.</a> : ) <br><br>
Best wishes, <br>
mb<br><br><b><u>Five Things I'm Thankful For Today:</u></b><br>
1. That Ellie had Daisy fast asleep when we got home on Saturday. Super-sitter. Love her. <br>
2. That my slow start work day ramped up into high-productivity sometime around 12:30. Thank you, white mocha. <br>
3. Fun with Ryan & co this weekend on the most beautiful night. <br>
4. Enough time to do what I really needed to do today. <br>
5. That we'll get to see A and L when they're here in July. <br><br><br><br><br type="_moz"></span>Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110422010-03-13T17:53:30-07:002019-01-26T02:48:12-07:00Movin' and Shakin'At the "Movers and Shakers" workshop in San Francisco with Cheryl Richardson and Reid Tracy. . .so much info to think about. Nice people! I've met such nice, fascinating movahs and shakahs so far. Great to meet you Erin, Maggie, Maureen (Reeny), Joy, Carol, and Michelle. <br><br>
I got the book cover from Greg for "Kick-Ass Creativity" last night -- so exciting! It looks great! I'm carrying it around in my purse like a nerd, pulling it out to show anyone who looks even possibly interested in it. I'm pretty sure the barista at Peet's coffee was really into it. <br><br>
So tired. And damnit! Daylight savings taking an hour out of my sleep. . . !<br><br>
Today I'm thankful for: <br>
1. The fact that someone moved the floral arrangement on stage so that the birds of paradise in it no longer appear to be poising to devour Reid and Cheryl.<br>
2. The nice sunshine on our breaks. <br>
3. The fact that Louise Hay has been part of our group the last few days. She's a full on living legend as far as I'm concerned.<br>
4. Daylight savings. Just kidding...daylight savings sucks when you're on vacation. Even a business one.<br>
5. That Daisy is having a great time with her grandparents. It's truly hard to tell who's having more fun. <br><br>
hope you're all well, enjoying the Brides of March (or whatever signs of spring taking place in your neighborhood), and digging the occasional rays of sunlight peeking through!<br><br>
xoxo<br>
mb<br type="_moz">Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110412010-01-13T03:55:00-07:002021-07-29T02:41:10-06:00girl without her piano!Getting ready for tomorrow night's ArtTalk with the Kimball Art Center. It's funny how different this feels than when I prepare for a show. I've been putting together setlists and players and gear checklists for so long that it's second nature. This feels a lot harder!<br><br>
Mark's experiences with Toastmasters has made me really sensitive to things like how many times I use 'umm' or 'uhh' in between real words. And Tim Koegel's (great) book on presenting that I read awhile back is making me wonder if I will revert to the 'fig leaf', 'T-Rex,' or 'hands in a steeple' poses that people tend to when they're in front of an audience. I sense that the T-Rex could be a problem. <br><br>
And what to wear? Businesssy presenting suit? Creative artsy flowy fabulousness? Park City jeans and a sweater? (insert Marge Simpson quiet grumble here.)<br><br>
The good part is that when my stress starts rising, I find myself literally turning to some of the tools that we're going to talk about tomorrow. Jumping to the Finale -- the end result feeling of relief, delight, and gratitude. Remembering that there's a significant purpose I'm drawn to doing this; it has a ready gift in it that will unfold. Appreciating the power of a little deadline -- I needed to get these thoughts organized for this kind of thing anyway for when the book comes out. Might as well take the opportunity now. And then there's the fun bonus. . . I'll get to see people I haven't seen in ages from my hermit-like writing life of the last year. <br><br>
So I'll keep getting ready. And getting excited. And hopefully at 9 p.m. tomorrow night, I'll have some great stories to share about how well it all went!<br><br><b>Five Things I'm Thankful For Today:</b><br><br>
1. That people are <i>coming</i> tomorrow night! The only thing worse that being nervous about something is finding out later that you were nervous for NOTHING.<br>
2. That the radio interviews went well with Randy last night and Leslie Thatcher this morning. <br>
3. Yummy white mocha here at Alpine Internet Cafe. And that amazing smelling bagel in the toaster. Might have to get one.<br>
4. The nice conversation I had with my brother Billy yesterday.<br>
5. Daisy snuggling with us so sweetly this morning. <br><br><br><br><br><br><br type="_moz">Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110402010-01-08T12:10:00-07:002010-01-08T12:10:00-07:00ArtTalk next week!I'm pretty excited to be speaking at the Kimball's Art Talk series next Thursday night. It's only supposed to last about 1 to 1.5 hours, so I have some serious compressing to do in order to cover what I'd like to do. <br><br>
Turned in the final galley edits to my book today. It looks amazing. Not too many last minute changes, which will make a whole multitude of people in the production editing office happy, I think. It's tough, though, letting go of your babies . . . sending them off on their ways to become what they're meant to become. <br><br>
Lots of deep thoughts lately, no time whatsoever to get them down. More later!<br><br>
Thanks for coming by, <br>
mb<br type="_moz">Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110392009-10-18T16:25:00-06:002021-07-24T02:16:45-06:00Mad Men and New MoonsFor a new moon Sunday, I can't say things kicked off to a stellar start.<br><br>
Lillian kicked my butt at Scrabble. Three games won, she spared me more trouncing by packing up the board and calling it a night. Meant to get over to Ulta to check out the latest step-up-from-the-drugstore cosmetics, but fell asleep during meditation instead and slept for two and a half hours. In jeans. (But it was a nice nap!) Daisy's calling me right now -- sweetly, but loudly -- "Mommmmmy.....Mommmmmmy...." I remember when she said DaDa all the time and never called me -- her primary caregiver -- by name. She seems to have the hang of it these days. <br><br>
I usually take a few moments and write out my intentions for the next month when the new moon comes around. It's always a good time to reflect and make a few decisions, but today the feeling just wasn't there. (Again, the nap just seemed more pressing.) I don't know what the official theme of this month is, but I can tell you our theme around chez Maziarz is going to be "Get the crap out of the house and get ready for a cozy, beautiful, creative winter." Or something like that... : )<br><br>
Ah, Mad Men. The respite of 1963, right here in our own remote controlled, Tivo-ed living rooms. I'm fairly sure Mark and I are going to be Don and Betty Draper for Halloween if Mark can find a studly enough suit. Me? I got Betty Draper any night of the week in my closet. I love the vintage vibe. <br><br>
I'm not sure if the era of the early sixties is more simple or more complicated that the one we live in now. Civil rights, women's liberation, sexual mores, workplace politics...is it really <i>really</i> better, or is modern culture better at hiding the inconsistencies, the problems? Are we just keeping different things under the rug than the stuff that used to be there? I don't know. I'm really asking. <br><br>
Lillian asked the other day -- rhetorically, but also really, I think -- if anyone is really happy. I keep thinking about it. At dinner the other night, everyone discussed the antidepressants they've tried or are taking. Grandparents, kids, dogs...is there anyone who isn't on something? Or should I say, is anyone who's not on something happy? In my cynical moments, I'm not sure. Utah has the highest percentage of women on antidepressants in the country. And we've got mountains, skiing, hiking, red rock canyons, fresh air, healthy industry -- what else could we want? [Well, I guess the freedom to speak your truth. In some Utah cultures, that one doesn't necessarily fly.]<br><br>
In a recent O Magazine, Martha Beck writes about 'culprit issues' -- the ones we like to believe are the real root of our sadness or problems -- and how it's usually an illusion. We're fat -- <i>but if we weren't fat, everything would be perfect, right? </i>Our families make us nuts. <i>If we'd only been born to a more functional, normal family, we'd be able to handle everything that comes our way. </i> I guess it can be whatever. So now I'm looking around me, listening carefully to both my own words and those of others, sorting out whether there are actually culprit issues at work all over the place. Are they chronic? Do we all take on serial issues from time to time? Is this just life -- not reducible to a psychological life-coachy theory? I'm not sure yet. But as usual, Martha hits so close to home that I can barely dive in to the article at first flip through the magazine. <br><br>
Sometimes I suspect that the time and energy freed by modern conveniences has backfired on us a little. Innovators imagined that humanity would do what? The goal was never to make life so easy that we just sit around all day, was it? Perhaps the hope was for people to think deeper thoughts, help others more, relieve suffering....surely we're meant to do something great with the extra hours and efforts saved by things like dishwashers and computers and cars. Do we? Maybe the key is to make sure that <i>the way</i> we spend the time and energy available to us is worthy of our best selves. <b>We must remember that w</b><b>e are not removed from the need for effort and time itself</b>. It feels good when we work out; our bodies are happy to know what they can do. When we cultivate a garden, we find more pleasure and pride in it than in the perhaps more aesthetically perfect work of professional landscapers. We must find good work that we like to do. Right livelihood. We must sweat. We must play on the floor with our kids. We must make things with our hands that matter to somebody, even if that somebody is only us. <br><br>
Okay, so I guess I have an intention after all for this new moon. I want to emerge from the world of my head and to engage in the world of the body, the heart, the hands more everyday. And I want to notice when I'm happy, just as often as I note the times I'm not.<br><br><b>Today I'm Thankful For:</b><br>
1. New flavors at Starbucks. Harvest Spice White Mocha and Toasted Marshmallow Latte, I can barely WAIT to try you. (Though I do wonder if Starby's read my Tweets. I've been having the baristas mix pumpkin spice and white chocolate for my lattes since September and freely commenting about it online.)<br>
2. Cool artists like Jeffery Lautenslager, whom Mark and I met in Encinitas after sending him an email about one of his amazing kinetic sculptures that we saw from the beach. <br>
3. The internet. That allowed us to find out the artist of that sculpture in about two minutes of Googling.<br>
4. To be going home tomorrow after a nice trip. It always feels good to be home. <br>
5. For my sweet nephew Quinn. <br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br type="_moz">Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110382009-10-17T03:10:00-06:002009-10-17T03:10:00-06:00Why Blog? How often to Blog? Blah Blah Blog??<span style="font-size: small; "><span style="font-size: small; "><span style="font-family: ArialMT; ">Mark and I were talking on the way down in the car yesterday about blogging, and where it shakes out in the big picture of stuff to do and ways to connect with people. I've decided that I might do better to write more often with less fanfare, less wring-the-depths-out-of-my-spirit about the whole thing. So that's the new plan. </span></span><span style="font-size:14.0pt;font-family:ArialMT"><p></p></span></span>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;
text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size: small; "><span style="font-family: ArialMT; ">Sometimes I read too many blogs/tweets/facebook posts in a row that have no apparent cultural or newsworthy value, and I start wondering why why why? are all these people feeling that it's interesting or important for others to know that the writer is standing in line somewhere, or not liking some celebrity's hair, or thinking about the changes in the weather. It makes me worry that I am more self-indulgent in my posts than is savory. I don't want to be a jerk, or to </span><span style="font-family: Arial-ItalicMT; "><i>look like</i></span><span style="font-family: ArialMT; "> the self-involved person that at some level, we all are. </span></span><span style="font-size:14.0pt;font-family:ArialMT"><p></p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;
text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size: small; "><span style="font-family: ArialMT; "> </span></span><span style="font-size:14.0pt;font-family:ArialMT"><p></p></span><span style="font-size: small; "><span style="font-family: ArialMT; ">But I want to communicate to those seeking contact and content. I want to remark when there's something to say, to add a voice to the chorus, whether aligned or dissenting. When there might be something to share that could help someone, or save somebody a frustration I experienced, or help light a fire of excitement that spreads wonderfully within someone's life. Maybe I've been too concerned with having a specific point of view -- trying too hard to connect my 'deep thoughts' to creativity or music or writing, whatever. Well, you might be hearing more stories about Daisy (now 2 and a half) or food or getting the clutter out! or the other things that occupy my daily life so much. Hope that's alright with y'all.</span></span><span style="font-size:14.0pt;font-family:ArialMT"><p></p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;
text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size: small; "><span style="font-family: ArialMT; ">I also want to find some models of great blogs with rich, helpful content. Can you guys turn me on to some of your favorites? </span></span><span style="font-size:14.0pt;font-family:ArialMT"><p></p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;
text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size: small; "><span style="font-family: ArialMT; ">What's the right amount to blog? Multiple times a day? Daily? Weekly? Please comment and share with me how often your favorite bloggers post. There are usually rhythms to these things, and I am perfectly happy to learn from those who've found great ones already. </span></span><span style="font-size:14.0pt;font-family:ArialMT"><p></p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;
text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size: small; "><span style="font-family: ArialMT; ">Okay, so that's it for today. I'll wrap it up with my thankful things, starting with a thank you to you!<br></span></span><span style="font-size:14.0pt;font-family:ArialMT"><p></p></span><font class="Apple-style-span" face="ArialMT, Verdana, sans-serif"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br></span></font></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;
text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size: small; "><span style="font-family: Arial-BoldMT; "><b>Today I'm thankful for:</b></span></span><span style="font-size:14.0pt;font-family:ArialMT"><p></p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;
text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size: small; "><span style="font-family: ArialMT; ">1. The chance to have a good talk with my sister.</span></span><span style="font-size:14.0pt;font-family:ArialMT"><p></p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;
text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size: small; "><span style="font-family: ArialMT; ">2. That Daisy's teeth are feeling better after she knocked them IN the other day -- yikes!</span></span><span style="font-size:14.0pt;font-family:ArialMT"><p></p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;
text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size: small; "><span style="font-family: ArialMT; ">3. Reconnecting with great old friends!</span></span><span style="font-size:14.0pt;font-family:ArialMT"><p></p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;
text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size: small; "><span style="font-family: ArialMT; ">4. Wonderful grandparents. :) </span></span><span style="font-size:14.0pt;font-family:ArialMT"><p></p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;
text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size: small; "><span style="font-family: ArialMT; ">5. Naps during those great midwestern rains. </span></span><span style="font-size:14.0pt;font-family:ArialMT"><p></p></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="mso-pagination:none;mso-layout-grid-align:none;
text-autospace:none"><span style="font-size: small; "><span style="font-family: ArialMT; "> </span></span><span style="font-size:14.0pt;font-family:ArialMT"><p></p></span></p>
<!--EndFragment-->Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110372009-09-23T17:00:00-06:002009-09-23T17:00:00-06:00The Creative FloodHi Everybody...<br><br>
I haven't been blogging much at all lately -- I'm sorry for the silence. Even getting an occasional "tweet" out seems challenging sometimes. I have a theory though, that in these modern times, we reach out to our virtual communities and hubs when we feel a need to be heard, to find witness. So either I haven't felt that I've had much to say (except for the dozen tweets and FB entries tonight while hopped up on a white mocha here at Coffee Garden), or that I feel witnessed enough in my daily life that I have been content there lately. Okay, there's the third option of just facing the fact that having a two-and-a-half year old in your life pretty much draws every spare extra second out of it. (And replaces them with laughter and sweet insider glances with your honey). Maybe it's a melange of the three elements....<br><br>
I've seemed to notice an interesting phenomena about ideas lately -- how they come in an all-encompassing, engulfing flood and then seem to recede all at once too. I feel so surrounded by possibility that I'm almost drowning, so full of realized visions that I don't want to stop at one. And other times, the emptiness, the vacuum in me feels as if it's just as complete. Focus and incentive ebbs and flows in screwed up inverse proportion to time and energy available for exploring a project. A few times in the past month, I've found myself with a couple hours open unexpectedly, and instead of diving in to something cool and creative and fun and ready to get rolling, I've been unable to catch the spark of intention and excitement that typically sends me down a specific project path. Maybe there's a deep "resting of the fields" going on, maybe I need the insistent pressure of a deadline to get all the neurons firing -- I don't know. Maybe I'm just not very good at <i>forcing </i>myself to do anything. <br><br>
I'm thinking a lot about right livelihood, in the Buddhist sense. What is the purpose and value of my work? Of anyone's? What is the right direction of our time and efforts? Is there a better way than the one I've chosen? <br><br>
Sometimes I wipe down the counter and realize it's the fifth time I've done it in a day. And I find myself extrapolating how many times my mom (and her mom, and hers) did these necessary, repetitive tasks. I think it's all good -- that we think in different rhythms, sometimes needing the idling time that menial tasks provide in order to work things out -- but still, the over-and-over of it does get to you. I know I'm not alone. How many times has Mark watered trees, sorted photos, snow-blown the driveway? How many patients' eyes has my Dad checked with repetitious precision? How many gigs have my friends played? <br><br>
I'm thinking about space, too. What does it mean -- the spaces you create around you? What do they say about us? How quickly do they reflect what's going on within us? As houses foreclose around us in the Utah market -- both those of wealthy speculators and working people who got in over their heads -- I'm conflicted, feeling pulled by opportunity and compassion, possibility and warning. . . wondering if it's bad karma to want one of these suddenly more affordable (well, kind of) homes, or a sign to find more contentment in exactly the place I am, to release the sense of striving that is so celebrated in American culture. <br><br>
Maybe it's the fall, enhancing a touch of meloncholy. I know the changing seasons always bring up a sense of accountability for me. Another autumn here. The hillsides changing again. What was I doing last year? What did I hope to have done by this year? I had a teacher in high school, Bill Sinon, who once suggested that people who live in four-season climates are more motivated and action-oriented than those in climates with only one general season. In Hawaii, he said, if you don't do something today, you can do it tomorrow. You're as likely to have another sunny, comfortable, lovely day as not. In the midwest, we're pushed along by the seasons, always knowing that winter -- and spring, and summer, and fall -- is just around the corner. So we move forward, creating deadlines, noting progress. There are so many projects in my life that are done and out of my hands -- the Crab Cove kids music cd, my book -- that I guess I'm feeling a little all over the place, wanting to control that which is no longer mine to control. <br><br>
5 Things I'm Thankful For Today:<br>
1. Faith. <br>
2. Laptops.<br>
3. my favorite new (to me) novelist, Harlan Coben<br>
4. Possibility<br>
5. Contentment.<br><br>
Love to you. : )<br>
mb<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br type="_moz">Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110362009-06-07T22:20:00-06:002017-02-24T14:12:04-07:00A Few Notes on Motherhood for You, Dena...<b>To My Sister, On the Eve of Your Becoming a First-Time Mother </b>By Mary Beth Maziarz<br><br>
You’re just a breath away from this baby arriving. You feel like you have lots of time, but it'll go by in a snap, just like that. *!*<br><br>
I can’t know what motherhood will be like for you. Some of us struggle against it as if we’ve been suddenly caught in a binding net; some slip into it like a warm, soft sweatshirt that feels finally perfect and easy. You’ll find your own way. But I’m your big sister. And as usual, I’ve learned a couple things that I wanted to share. <br><br>
Giving birth hurts, whether traditionally or by c-section, epidural or not. But you’ll get over it – truly, you will. It’s weird and chaotic and natural and focused and unbelievable. It’s an exhilarating, thrilling rush. It’s also exhausting – some say the most intensely physical experience of a woman’s life. In any case, the feeling of that new baby against your skin, that warm, wet, little wriggling pink crying <i>thing</i>, will be worth your incredible efforts, bringing a sense of reward and arrival unlike anything you’ve ever felt. <br><br>
You will soon see your husband in new ways, loving him with a deeper connection (and dependence) than you have in the past. You’ll be touched by his awkwardness at first, perhaps, and when his confidence grows, his pride. You’ll love him more than you ever thought possible. You will also discover that he is capable of being far more clueless, insensitive, and LOUD, than you ever imagined. Help bring him in when he feels left out. Try really hard not to criticize his childcare efforts if they're clumsy or just different from yours. It's good to have the balance of both of you, the yin and yang. And remember that he’s in a new life, too. His new responsibilities feel different from yours, but they’re just as deeply instinctive and just as real. <br><br>
Your friends will offer to do things for you. Let them. You’ll think that you need to do everything yourself for a while, and this is okay, but eventually the adrenaline and novelty will wear off and those friends who offer to bring you a meal or stop by the store for you will seem like true angels. They are. Accept their generosity and help in the same spirit that you’ve given it yourself in the past. <br><br>
Be prepared for your friends without kids to drift a little. This, too, is okay. They care about <i>you</i>, and they will eventually find your child completely charming, but they may not find the gory details of birth, breastfeeding, hemorrhoids, or baby-poop color as riveting as some of your other Mom friends will. If you stay selective with photos, stories, and updates, and they’ll be more interested in staying in the loop. <br><br>
Alternately, be prepared to feel a new kinship with other Moms, experienced or new. You’re in the club now. You get it. You won’t all agree on everything, and you’ll discover that there are lots of different approaches to child-rearing, but you’ll share a devotion that binds you to other women in a new, almost primal, way. <br><br>
Get ready to see Mom and Dad with completely new respect and admiration. You’ll find yourself astonished at all the things they made look so easy for so many years. You’ll understand why they’re a little nuts. And why they look tired. You’ll find yourself especially thankful for Mom and her help when the baby arrives (more than you can even fathom right now). <br><br>
Trust that things will return to normal. Well, <i>a new normal</i>. Your house will come back into order. (Mostly.) The seemingly never-ending, gargantuan laundry piles will recede. You’ll have time to shower regularly, allowing you to once again smell nice and look presentable. You’ll eventually be able to run to the grocery store or Starbucks without it being a grand production. You'll someday read a magazine again. <br><br>
Your body will return to its familiar self. (You’ll both miss the boobs). You’ll sleep. You’ll have sex. (Okay, probably less, but you will have it.) You’ll remember who you are. You’ll contribute to society beyond fulfilling the needs of this demanding little bundle. <br><br>
You’ll work harder at this than you ever have in your life at <i>anything</i>. It will seem impossible at times, ridiculous and beyond comprehension. You will seriously ponder how the world moves forward, how people choose to have new children all the time, how whole families live in tiny two-bedroom apartments in New York. You’ll wonder how idiots do this, how people ever consider having more than one child, how parents of multiples possibly manage (which you once thought sounded like fun). <br><br>
It’ll also feel more natural and instinctive than you know. And your baby’s face will be the best show in town. You’ll find yourself looking at him or her with distractingly absorbing fascination. You’ll watch the child sleep, cry, wiggle, eat, and every moment will be full of emotion and a love different from the love you’ve known until now. It will feel like your privilege to make sure this child is warm and fed and clean and kicking with delight. You will feel gratitude and attachment, and sometimes even fear, or fierce protectiveness, that is shocking at times in its intensity. You will love this kid like nobody's business. And the child will love you back. Little arms reaching out to you will be like coming home. You'll wish that he or she would sleep on your chest forever in this warm little content bundle. You'll feel both powerful and small at once. <br><br>
You'll want to do everything right. You'll want to <i>be</i> a better person, so that you can raise a better person in this little one. You'll suddenly care a lot more about recycling, hormones in the milk, clean water, and other stuff affecting the state of the planet. You'll find yourself wanting to make the earth a beautiful, safe place for your child and all other children for a long time, not just your stay here. <br><br>
Motherhood has a way of getting both easier and more demanding by the day. You’ll sometimes look back with nostalgia and longing for the stages just passed, suddenly realizing that there were elements you should have savored while you could. You’ll mean to write things down or take more pictures or movies or remember, remember, dammit! but it’s hard to do it all. Do the best you can. <br><br>
Actually, that’s a good policy for all of it. Just do the best you can. <br><br>
You’re going to be great. <br>
Good luck, babe. The fun is just beginning. <br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br>Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110352009-01-07T12:20:00-07:002009-01-07T12:20:00-07:00Girl's Search for MeaningI am wondering what it all means. <br><br>
I am working on my book, trying to weave together so many thoughts and concepts and stories into something that I very much hope makes sense and will help others in some significant way. I am thinking about Christmastime and family, fullness, the difference between childhood magic and the adult kind. I'm thinking about the winter Solstice that happened on such a blizzardous day last month and the intentions that I wasn't able to make/share that day, and haven't been sure about making or sharing since. <br><br>
My days are full. I rush around tidying the house as Daisy naps, trying to complete basic business tasks and household maintenance before I wind down like a clock in the early evening. I visit with good friends, delight in Daisy's daily new words and discoveries and abilities, nuzzle with Mark, watch the snow fall. I use the internet as a portal to things I might acquire, learn about, investigate, confirm. It's a nice window to other worlds. I play the piano for stolen moments -- Daisy dances or edges me out of my bench seat so that she, the rightful player, can take her spot and tap the big piano keys with her tiny fingers. <br><br>
I keep in touch with family members as well as I can, laughing and sharing when I can, trying to keep the edge of impatience out of my voice if they call at an inconvenient time or with a tone in their voice that feels like it will soon expand into something too heavy for me to carry. <br><br>
I try to keep up with myself, what I'm thinking, where I'm going, what I want, what I can give, how I can serve. I hope I'm self-aware, but like anyone, how can I really know? It's so much easier to see the (supposedly) faulty trajectories or missing pieces in others than in myself. I am certain I am denser than I know sometimes. I pray that I will see the fuller story in the situations around me. <br><br>
I am noticing how much of my life is driven by some sort of ego-payoff. . . how much energy have I spent (wasted?) on activities or things or titles to make me feel that I matter, that what I do or am or contribute has value? How would my being or actions or contributions change without this concern or awareness? <br><br>
Does music really mean anything? Does writing? <br>
Do the benefits of wealth really give one anything of value? <br>
Does a beautiful surrounding or body or eyeshadow change one's life?<br>
I believe in love. Is love really all there is? Is the rest flavoring? <br><br>
I think working on my creativity book in such detail and focus is making me a little bit nuts, which is okay. Quite a few of my most admired creative spirits lean into the out-there realm from time to time for sure. I wonder if this existential funk/curiosity I'm in is a result of trying to detach from the inevitable result of whatever the response to the book will be. Huge, delightful impact? Nobody giving a damn at all? Somewhere in the middle? Maybe I am nervous and telling myself that nothing matters feels better than admitting that this (perhaps silly) thing matters quite a lot to me. <br><br>
I hope you are all out there enjoying the crest of the new year. If YOU have it figured out, please do tell. I sense there are answers, there is meaning. I just am less and less sure of what it is....<br><br>
xo,<br>
mbMary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110342008-12-14T16:05:00-07:002008-12-14T16:05:00-07:00More Good ThingsOne of the chapters I'm working on for my upcoming book highlights the power of gratitude and good-vibe lists as a tool for increasing your creative flow and pulling out of resistance, funks. I believe the lists we keep define us in some way or another. <br><br>
Here's mine from today. <br><br><b><u>Good things: </u></b> <br>
Wordle's Word Cloud program that arranges text in graphic, cool ways<br>
Time Balm concealer from Sephora<br>
Jill's exciting writing project for Moms<br>
Gincy's GrandDad's eggnog<br>
(and...Christmas parties that supply babysitters in the basement)<br>
Dena's sweet package of darling outfits for Daisy<br>
The Mission soundtrack<br>
The as-seen-on-TV Tobi steamer -- it works!<br>
Flannel sheets <br>
Whisky class at Coopers on Friday -- turns out I'm not the single malt girl I imagined. And Scotch can taste like ash.<br>
My Amazon Kindle and the forty-some book samples I have on it at the moment<br>
Jason's new project (Shrek - The Musical) that opened this weekend on Broadway<br>
Fun iPhone apps that make the camera better<br>
A full 'House M.D.' folder on Tivo<br>
Being in touch with old friends through Facebook, some I haven't seen since h.s. graduation<br>
Sparkly diamond earrings (okay... "diamonique")<br>
Feeling inspired to write a (sad) song about Christmas<br>
Kilts!<br>
White chocolate lattes<br>
February getaway plans<br>
Very nice parents and in-laws<br>
Recovering stock prices (I can <i>imagine</i> good things, as well as experience them)<br>
Daisy's exploding verbal skills, today: purse! bat-tub! pee-low! socks! bock-ly! stawby! owside! <br>
Great Thai food<br>
Feeling like there's plenty of everything -- money, time, energy, delight, inspiration<br>
Excellent snow tires<br>
Progress on the house -- getting things done! yay!<br>
An unexpected day to write<br>
Hotel-like new drapes that block out the morning sun<br>
Caring counsel from my professional colleagues<br>
Mom friends who admit they'd like to take a holiday ride on "The Vodka Express"<br>
The visual thesaurus website/program<br>
Amy Poehler on SNL. We'll miss you, Amy.<br>
Being all caught up. with anything.<br>
LipFusion lipgloss in Blush<br>
Seeing Sarah the other night so healthy and happy<br>
Cool delicious water when I'm thirsty<br>
Seat warmers in the Outback<br><br>
Darkness when I'm tired<br>
Brightness when I seek clarity<br>
Quiet when I'm overwhelmed<br>
Flow when I can put it into form<br>
Connection when I'm lonely<br>
Opportunity when I'm ready<br>
Generosity when I need it, or can give it<br>
Perspective when I'm distraught<br>
Peace, wherever I can find it, every day<br><br>
Thank you for the Good Things you all bring to me, share with me. <br><br>
xo<br>
mb<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br type="_moz">Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110322008-11-30T10:15:14-07:002008-11-30T10:15:14-07:00Looking for stories for my book...Hello there, creative folks and artists --<br><br>
I've been working on a book for a while now about creativity and the Law of Attraction. It's been a lot of fun and very exciting, but fairly solitary (except for the nice people who work in the coffee places or libraries where I tend to write). I'd love to have you, my community, become involved if you're interested. <br><br>
If you have a story about how you successfully applied the Law of Attraction to a facet of your creative work, I'd love to consider it for an artist profile in the book. The most helpful way to break it down would be to briefly share: <br><br>
1) what wasn't working<br>
2) what you did / what approaches you specifically used<br>
3) what happened<br><br>
That's all there is to it. If it feels like it might be a good fit for the project, I'll be in touch for some more details. <br><br>
OR, if you saw "The Secret" or have read some of the other Law of Attraction materials out there, maybe you've tried to apply some LOA techniques and <b>not </b>had the results you hoped for. In this case, please send me your questions about your specific situation, and I'll see I can work it into the Q&A section of the book.<br><br>
Thanks everybody -- I'm already looking forward to hearing your stories!<br>
Best wishes, <br>
mb<br><br>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br><br><u>Five Things I'm Thankful For Today:<br></u><br>
1) Mark's Mom and Dad being so wonderfully helpful with Daisy. <br>
2) The Daly house feeling so warm and snuggly.<br>
3) Our penne-with-vodka-sauce dinner that is going to be <i>awesome, </i>I think<br>
4) My cute, cozy new black turtleneck <br>
5) The sweet movies we took of Daisy on Thanksgiving<br>
6) That Mark's movie will premiere at the Local's Short Film Festival at the Jim Santy on Wednesday night. It's free!<br>
Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110332008-10-03T06:05:00-06:002021-05-19T00:02:09-06:00"The Time-change of Motherhood"[I got a last-minute email from my friend, artist and writer Kindra Fehr, awhile back, asking other Moms if they would help with a column she was writing about the meanings/interpretations of parenthood. This was my reply. It appeared in <u>Catalyst Magazine</u>. I know it doesn't exactly fit into the typical vibe of this blog, but having and raising children is inherently creative, and it is on my mind so much, so I hope you will indulge me. Thanks!]<br><br>
* * * <br><br><span style="font-size: large; ">I feel a distinct compression of time these days</span>...time I used to spend languidly sleeping or wandering the aisles at Wild Oats or Barnes and Noble is now punctuated by my awareness of this tiny person. Sometimes she needs me; sometimes I just find myself less able to float in my own world because I now have this little moon in my life.<br><br>
It also means experiencing that time compression in her growth. As Lowen & Navarro said in one of their songs, “the days go by so slowly, but the years go by so fast.” It’s like that. She’s suddenly 18 months old and all those long stretches between the end of her afternoon nap and putting her down to bed have crunched right down to a year and a half that’s flashed by in what feels like a minute. My life experiences have become mp3s instead of records.<br><br>
I’m more aware of lifespan and energy (the get-out-of-bed kind, not the law-of-attraction/reiki kind, though I think about that too). Will my parents know Daisy as a young woman? Will Mark and I be as energetic and enthusiastic and passionate about life as we feel now when she is beginning her adult journey? Will we look old and wrinkly and not cool (or God forbid, old people trying to be too cool)? Will she make it through all the bizarre choices we make as children and teenagers to a healthy grown-up life? Hope doesn’t even come close to describing what I feel here.<br><br>
I think about how I spend the time I have with Daisy. Am I teaching her enough or the right things? I hope I am making the most of our hours and moments with her at this young age. I hope I will be able to grow with her and offer her the best parts of my Mom’s mothering of me as her birthright. I hope I will somehow avoid the weirdness between mothers and daughters that comes at adolescence, but still remain her parent and protector. I think 50 times a day about how she might be at age 3 or 7 or 10 or 30. <br><br>
I wonder if I passed away today if she would remember me at all. I wonder at what she may teach me someday.<br><br>
Being a mother means surrendering to the changing face of time.<br><br><br>Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110312008-07-07T06:25:06-06:002019-10-23T22:07:59-06:00Yesterday's show at Miner's Park Hi Everybody!<br><br>
Thanks for the great turnout yesterday at the Miner's Park show in Park City. It was the first show of the season for me and seeing so many familiar and new faces really made me feel great. <br><br>
Tres Wilson played an early set... loved his Weezer/Cake vibe and low-intensity delivery. For more info on Tres, check out his myspace site: <a target="_new" href="http://www.myspace.com/treswilson">www.myspace.com/treswilson</a>. <br><br>
Now that several of our friends have kids, it's like we're charting time by their growth (and acoutrements). Last summer's shows were decorated with strollers and nursing apron things and little squeals or squeaks from the babies. This year we're all wrangling toddlers and quieting full-on wails when these little beings have needs to be met. Daisy took her rightful place on stage yesterday for a brief turn; our little Aries couldn't resist climbing right up to be part of the action up front. I sense we'll be a 'family act' before we know it. (Not really -- although my sisters and I REALLY wanted to be the VonTrapps when we were kids.)<br><br>
Here's a list of the songs I played yesterday -- <br>
(btw, if I missed any, please write and let me know):<br><i>My Deep Blue Love For You, Two Satellites, Better Than Anyone, Deeper Love, Long Long Time (By Gary White), Better, Lonesome in Love, Goin' On, Circle of Desire, 'Til Then, This Too Shall Pass (not yet recorded), Hold On, Someone Still Believes in You, Simpatico, Daydream Believer (by John Stewart), This Is Our Life<br><br></i>Big thank yous to all the people who bought CDs and signed up for the mailing list (or have already stopped by to visit the new site here). I really "appreciate you!" as is said here in Utah. <br><br><b>Next Show</b>: Saturday, July 19th at The Homestead Resort in Midway, UT. (Free, picnics and drinks allowed). More info on our <a target="_new" href="./calendar.cfm">calendar</a>. Hope to see you there! (Oh! As well as the possibility of staying at The Homestead itself, rumor has it that there are some good rates running at the beautiful Zermatt Resort across the road for those who might want to make a little overnight out of it. Good idea. We might have to do that.)<br><br>
See pix from yesterday in our <a target="_new" href="./pixgalleries.cfm">galler</a>y. Maybe you'll see your gorgeous self!<br><br>
Thanks and best wishes!<br>
mbMary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110302008-06-25T17:35:00-06:002021-04-21T00:07:31-06:00Lilac SeasonThey've already peaked, I think -- the lilacs -- and I miss them already. <br><br>
Scent holds such a special ability to jog us back to other places, other times, doesn't it? For me it feels almost like a shortcut to other selves. The smell of Molding Mud hair stuff makes me think of when my hair was short and Mark and I had just met and the summer was full of new love and possibility. Chlorine and popsicles bring me back to Molly's pool in the summer, her brown as a bear, me freckled and pink, diving and swimming until we were beyond tired. Lilies of the valley remind me of the little street near Jodie Hoffman's house where they grew crazily, tripping over each other with their perfect little intoxicating droplet flowers...we had big dreams, Jodie and I, ready to make our millions by sewing up gifts to sell at craft bazaars. (We made exactly two before busting her mom's sewing machine). And lilacs make me think of riding the bus to school in the springtime, with other kids -- those lucky ones with lilac bushes in their yards! -- bringing lilac cuttings for the teachers...big gorgeous bunches, wrapped in wet paper towels and aluminum foil to keep the flowers happy until we got to St. Columba. <br><br>
Here in Utah, lilac season is short. It starts late, probably due to our tendency for early summer snow snaps, and ends early, probably due to the super dry climate. One year we went back to Chicago for a long visit -- well, a couple weeks -- and returned and we'd missed it. The lilac season had come and gone without a whiff. I lurked around the neighbors' withering bushes, deeply inhaling, hoping for lingering bit of the magic lilac smell, but it wasn't the same. The moment had gone. <br><br>
People know of my love for lilacs, and several good hearts have planted me lilacs over the years (mostly to keep me from furtively stealing lilacs from wherever I could reach them and get away clean). My sister Laura planted two sweet bushes outside our rental house after living with me for a summer when she was 14. It ached me to leave them and their aromatic potential when I moved six months later. Mark planted one up at the cabin, sheltering it with bricks to protect it from the harsh elements on the windy, dusty hillside. Several years old now, that little-lilac-that-could is still under a foot tall. But it's alive, which is more than we'd hoped at one point. Now we have a spindly (but productive) one on our deck, and there's a big bushy tree outside our house in old town. I can't help but notice that the blooms on the lower bushes seem to have gone missing more by the day. I imagine young girls passing by, helpless to the sweet scent, helping themselves. I am sure I'm experiencing floral karma. <br><br>
I think about why lilacs feel so special to me. (Surely it's not <i>just</i> those heady busrides.) I sense it's more about brevity and opportunity. Each day of late spring, I find myself watching the lilac bushes. Is today the day? I wonder. Are they blooming yet? Are they fully fragrant? Can I cut some for the house? Should I? Does that hurt the tree or help it? Should I wait another day? <br><br>
For a brief period I understand what my Dad and Mark and Lillian must experience as they tend to the multitude of plants under their care...there is a running awareness under the busyness of my daily tasks asking that I pay attention to what's happening in this little piece of nature. (Ruined by a poorly planned and executed "morning glory" experiment as an 11-year-old and a number of desperate-looking houseplants in my twenties, I have come to believe that I'm not meant to steward green things. But perhaps this is my small shaft of light in the direction of progress.) <br><br>
So what does this all possibly have to do with music, and art, and meaning?<br><br><i>Maybe it's about being present and watchful for when inspiration begins to bloom. Perhaps we need to be vigilant when the sweet wafts of freshness drift into our lives, more ready than we are to take the moment and drop everything else and do it! Cut the gorgeous ideas loose from the bunches of other bouncing ideas and bring them into our houses. Allow them to open and change our environment and mood. <br><br>
Perhaps it's about trusting that the timing is right <b>enough</b>, not always waiting until a moment has passed in order to recognize its perfection. <br><br>
And, if we realize that we've missed it -- a window of opportunity or inspiration has somehow now suddenly closed on us -- maybe the lesson is to believe that there will be another chance next season. <br><br>
Maybe, like lilacs, great/beautiful/amazing ideas can be brief, intoxicating, captivating; and the bunches on our neighbors' bush can look so much more abundant and gorgeous than our own. <br><br>
Our job is to notice them, cut them when we (and they) are ready, and enjoy them for all they have to offer. And maybe share some with the neighbors or our teachers. <br><br>
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~<br><br><b>5 Things I'm Thankful For Today:</b><br>
1. That Chet and Lillian are here and Daisy's having so much fun.<br>
2. Beautiful pinot gris from Oregon<br>
3. The community of people who loved Krys so much and so well<br>
4. The Law and Order marathon that's been running on USA all week<br>
5. That the Crab Cove project is getting close! to release :-)</i>Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/109952008-05-31T08:15:00-06:002008-05-31T08:15:00-06:00In a "One" year...I have a friend, S., who's gifted (and makes a living) at the esoteric arts -- palmistry, tarot, numerology -- and I always find her insights to be interesting filters for viewing my current adventures and challenges. She recently did my numbers and informed me that I'm in a "one" year. "What's a "one" year?" I asked, and discovered that, as you might guess, it's all about beginnings. Seems our lives run in thematic cycles, with the any of a number of themes emerging more prominently during certain years. We might find ourselves inundated with beginnings, or enmired in development and details, maybe we're fascinated with a renewed spiritual awareness, or feeling a sense of mourning permeating our days and work, or finding our projects and relationships dominated by natural endings, a sense of conclusion. Whatever it might be, it's certainly an interesting way to go about our lives -- seeing the cycles in not just one area of life, say work or schooling, but as a color in all the areas we experience. <br><br>
I learned from a great therapist that most of us think our lives are compartmentalized -- we believe each part is its own situation or problem or progress -- but in fact this is rarely the case. The same issues come up all over our lives, as if someone spilled a jar of marbles (titled "fear" or "rescue me" or even positive things like "I can do it!") that roll willy-nilly into every crack and crevice of our experience. Our bodies, our mental health, our jobs, our relationships -- no area is exempt from the "big themes" we might encounter. <br><br>
At first thought, it's easy to think, "oooh, baby! I want to be in a "nine" year -- I want to be experiencing completion, reward, acknowledgment, conclusion -- but you might be forgetting about the other side of conclusions, like friendships that may have run their course and be ready to end, or jobs that were once fulfilling and fun that you're now needing to leave. There's a full spectrum to every theme, I imagine. It's how life remains interesting and probably part of the force that asks us to evolve as people. <br><br>
So this apparently is my "one" year, and boy, can I ever tell. I've never experienced so many projects on my plate. Daisy is over a year old now and walking, talking, signing, singing, and excitedly tasting anything that can fit into her little mouth. The Crab Cove kids album is ready to launch, I'm writing a book, am facilitating two terrific workshops with Karen Ely this fall. I've been taking steps to rejuvenate my health, playing with diet and changes in exercise habits (for instance, signing up to do the Portland Marathon in October -- a kind of daunting first for me) and <i>just for extra spice</i>, we're renovating our house, letting go of things we've wanted to change for years and bringing in the new, more representative vibe of our current life. In fact, everywhere I look it seems there is a pile of items to make decisions on or a list of things to do for one project or another. I recently compiled BOB, the "big orange binder," to help me manage all the things I'm trying to do. (It's helping a lot, btw.) When I look at all the tasks I want to get done, it makes me tired. But the actual work of each project is exciting. And there is nothing better than excitement and anticipation to keep your energy up. <br><br>
Finally, completing and posting this new website has been a big project that I'm SO excited about, so glad to have finished (well, it's in progress, so it's almost finished I guess), and so thrilled to share with all of you who have kept up with the music and adventures even when you had to muck through my old rough site for far too long. Thank you for your amazing support. I hope the thematic year in which you find yourself feels good, right for where you are, and full of wisdom and gifts for the greater journey. <br><br>
xo<br>
mb<br><br><br><u>Five Things I'm Thankful For Today:<br></u><br>
1. That Daisy finally went down for a good nap. She's teething and isn't herself.<br>
2. The delicious fresh cherries we just gobbled up. <br>
3. That Mark figured out how to fix my computer power cord (so I could do this!!)<br>
4. That my dear friend Felice is headed to the most wonderful place on earth (Las Ventanas al Paraiso) for her honeymoon!<br>
5. That we're going to see the new Indiana Jones movie tonight. Looks like fun!<br><br><br><div style="text-align: justify; ">Blog note: <i>Many of you may notice that the hundreds of comments that accompanied the blog entries in the past are no longer attached here...I'm so sorry, but it was not possible to move them over with the entries when we shifted to the new site and blog engine. Your comments mean the world to me, and I have been so inspired and uplifted by them over the years. Please come comment like crazy here on the new site so that your ideas can reach new people in a new time. Thank you again, and I look forward to your forthcoming remarks!</i>
</div>Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/109942008-05-12T15:45:00-06:002008-05-12T15:45:00-06:00Back In the Saddle...Well, hello...! It’s been awhile since I’ve been able to sit down and put some thoughts down...it’s so nice to find a moment to reflect on the last year of life, music, and people. It’s been busy here at Chez Maziarz. Lots of photos, music, and friends, as usual, but more strikingly, Daisy entered our lives last spring in a flurry of excitement, fascination, and change. She’s darling and hilarious and brought with her a flood of creative energy. While her little four-month-old self learned to roll over, sit up, and play, I wrote my first children’s music album for a new animated kids series called “Crab Cove.” I’m psyched with how fun it turned out. I hope those of you who have little kids in your life will check it out (and I hope they’ll rock out!). I’ll keep you posted on when the DVDs and CD will be released (should be soon this summer). <br><br>
You’ll also notice my new site. The old one -- bless it’s heart, as Bruce would say -- limped along sadly for far too long without the love and care it needed. My forum became overgrown with p*rn, Rx ads, and who knows what else, the links got dusty and occasionally broken, and I just never seemed able to keep up with making sure shows, blogs, and photos were regularly updated. Well the good news is that I’m now working on a Mac (back to my creative computing ROOTS!) and I feel a lot more able to pop on and be in touch. Thank you to all of you who have written. It’s my pleasure to be back. <br>
:-) <br><br><div style="text-align: justify; ">Blog note:<i> Many of you may notice that the hundreds of comments that accompanied the blog entries in the past are no longer attached here...I'm so sorry, but it was not possible to move them over with the entries when we shifted to the new site and blog engine. Your comments mean the world to me, and I have been so inspired and uplifted by them over the years. Please come comment like crazy here on the new site so that your ideas can reach new people in a new time. Thank you again, and I look forward to your forthcoming remarks!</i>
</div>Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/109962008-02-20T09:10:00-07:002008-02-20T09:10:00-07:00The Dance of ResistanceWe’re in Santa Fe for a week for a photo workshop of Mark’s…Daisy’s grandparents have met us here, so I’m finding myself with a beautiful open expanse of free time each day. It’s a little weird. I’m kind of freaked out. It’s been so long since I had hours in a ROW to work on anything. The last ten months have trained me well in jumping on the opportunity of a free moment. My productivity has leapt to new heights with the ever-tightening amount of time available to me. So to find myself here with time gorgeously, luxuriously languished upon me, I should be crazily productive, right? Instead, I’m feeling a little…paralyzed.<br><br>
At home, I find myself writing furiously in the 40 minutes or so that’s free after getting basic life stuff managed and before Daisy wakes from her nap. When she’s awake, I jot down (important! magnificent-feeling!) ideas on scraps of paper while feeding her, finish songs with her sitting on my lap or crawling around my feet, organize projects while she nibbles on puffs in the highchair. But here, in this quiet coffeehouse with the classical music playing and not a soul needing one-damn-thing from me, I’m doing everything but what I thought I’d do, what I really would like to have done by the end of this week. I have a book proposal to finish, meditations and visualizations to finish for a site I’m launching, and an artist cards project to — yep, you got it — finish. All things in the final stretch. Exciting, cool projects that I couldn’t put DOWN a few weeks ago. They kept me up til 1, 2, in the morning as it felt like I channelled information directly from sources much more brilliant than I could hope to ever be.<br><br>
But what am I doing now, in the land of enchantment and free time? Clearing out my email in-box. Organizing my word docs so that my recipes and songs-in-progress are no longer a big entangled mess. Figuring out what the F keys do on my macbook. Checking to see if Victoria’s Secret website has that mascara I like. Or if there are any great glittery closed-toe gold heels on zappos.com (Yes to both, btw.) I’m obsessive-compulsively checking email about every seven minutes. (So please email me). Oh my God, I just checked it again, because it sounded like a good idea. Nothing exciting, btw. I have done SO much maintenance in the last three days, I feel like my entire digital life is tight as a drum. No stray threads, here. No, sirree.<br><br>
What’s the resistance about? Some of it is surely task related. I love the big idea part of a project, the thrill of the first big waves of thought, the illumination, the discovery, the yes yes yes chain of momentum that often builds before the (often caffeine-fueled) frenzy dims. I usually find less excitement in the nuts and bolts part of the project. The research, the little obstacles (what!? my brilliant domain name is TAKEN??!!), the actual doing. The little jolts of popping energy come less regularly here for me. It feels a bit more like, umm, work.<br><br>
I suspect the other piece of the resistance is the bit about fear. As an artistic project nears completion, it will likely be presented to the world. The world, being the opinionated place it is, tends to respond. Response comes in the form of applause, demands, frowns, confusion, even silence…any or all of these may be daunting to the artist.<br><br>
But what are we supposed to do? Scribble away in obscurity, hoping that some self-starting relative will take it upon himself to publish our stuff after we’re gone? Pretend we don’t care what people think when we release our works? Market ourselves like fiends, self-promoting so that there’s no way we’ll be ignored (if not loved)?<br><br>
Maybe the job today is just to do SOMETHING. Do the NEXT thing. Relax the focus off the eighteen things that all need to be done yesterday and do what I can, do what sounds GOOD to do right at this moment.<br><br>
Okay. Off to work on a chapter. Or something. After I check email.<br><br>
xo<br>
mb<br><br><u><b>5 Things I’m Thankful for Today:</b></u><br>
1. Helpful, loving, generous family members.<br>
2. Daisy’s goofy bedhead smile when she wakes from her nap.<br>
3. Good parking karma<br>
4. The sweet herb-bundle guy who gave me such fragrant sage yesterday.<br>
5. The delicious dinner we had last night at Coyote Cafe.Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/109972008-01-17T16:50:00-07:002021-06-21T02:29:38-06:00The 90 Percent RuleLately, Mark’s been sharing a lot of ideas he’s excited about on how to live a better/more efficient/more effective/more pleasant life from a site he discovered called <a target="_new" href="http://www.lifehacker.com">www.lifehacker.com.</a> It’s great stuff — pragmatic approaches, innovative ideas, cool tips. Some of the lifehacker ideas have made me think about the things that work or don’t work in my life.<br><br>
If I have an idea worth living by lately, it’s the 90 percent rule. It started coming to light when we installed a new built-in closet for me a few weeks ago. As I pulled all the stuff out of my old closet and started organizing everything, I realized how many items were things I really rarely wore — evening gowns, out-of-season pieces, weird sparkly holiday crap, stuff that really should go in some kind of costume box. I asked myself what I accessed the most, and it was stuff like workout clothes, pajamas, well-fitting Gap khakis, a couple great sweaters that feel great everytime I put them on. Decent jeans. And the staples, like socks. Underwear. (And headbands. I’m growing out my bangs). It was fascinating to me how buried all my everyday gear was, while there were tons of things on top that had so little to do with my usual life patterns.<br><br>
I vowed to make a change. I wanted to face the facts. What does the majority of my life require for me to feel good about it? What tools do I need? How do I dress for it? What do I do with my hours? What are the bulk of my food choices? With whom do I spend my time? And toward what end? I looked at the hard truth: I’m living with and holding on to WAY too much stuff for contingencies. I’m storing, managing, maintaining, and moving around all these things that I use incredibly rarely, 10 percent of the time in a very generous assessment. It’s time to break it down to percentages…maximum effectiveness per shelf inch, per hour spent. I am going to pare my life down to the stuff I’m USING, ENJOYING, or ASPIRING TO 90 percent of the time.<br><br>
Can I really let go of the things I only need once in awhile? After all, most of this stuff didn’t just fall into my life — I bought it, or someone gave it to me, maybe I even made it. If you’re like me, you really think you need everything you have. And then you become more annoyed than comforted by your things, and so you start to think about streamlining. The urge to simplify has probably reached most of us in some way these days, but that nagging sense that “I might need it someday” still causes hesitation for me as I try to clear things out. But the 90 percent rule helps with this. Is this an item I use in my most-of-the-time life? If not, can I borrow it? Rent it? Make it? Trust that I can figure something out when the time comes?<br><br>
This is trickier than it looks, to start glancing about with a critical eye at all your excess supplies, clothing, tools. It asks you to be realistic about the way you’re really living, and to be honest about how close that is to your ideal life. It made me realize that there are two versions of myself: the one I imagine that I am, and the one I ACTUALLY am. There’s the me that loves the idea of yoga, but not the actual doing of it. (Except for that great part at the end, savasana, where you get to lie down and relax. I love that part.) I love the idea of a beautifully tailored, perfectly made bed everyday, but the reality is that giving our comfy down duvet a good fluff in the morning is about all I’m willing to do. I love giving dinner parties, but with a new baby in the house and time more crunched than ever, I think it’s probably wise to put the fancy china in the back cupboards for awhile.<br><br>
I sleep a good nine hours a night (which is awesome for a new parent — I appreciate little Daisy's habits more every day!), so my bed, sheets, pajamas, and sleeping companion better all be great. (They are!). I work out a few times a week and tend to do errands in my workout clothes for a few hours afterwards. This makes up the majority of my time in public lately. Are my workout clothes comfortable? Pleasant to wear? Flattering? Well, they weren’t until a week ago. But they are now. (Thank you nice helper girl at Nordstrom.) If I’m going to be living in these clothes for most of my days, I’m not going to wear ratty faded crappy fraying leggings with an ill-fitting top and a fleece with a hole in it. Not anymore I’m not.<br><br>
Once on Oprah, she had on two guys helping viewers clean out their closets. The guys suggested you ask yourself three questions:<br>
1. Do I love this?<br>
2. Does it fit?<br>
3 Does this support the image I want to present to the world?<br>
That last one really gets me. And fits with my 90 percent approach. It’s not just clothes either. It might be the bike you haven’t ridden in five years, the chip carving set, the rice cooker/juicer/pasta roller machine, the ‘learn to crochet’ dvd, the Anthony Robbins cassettes, the five hammocks in your store room. Even if these things once represented who you were or wanted to be, if they're not current, it’s time to let the go so that new, better, more appropriate items can be beckoned in (OR so the space exists for you to discover what may be next for you!). I find myself asking over and over: is this supportive of the life I am living and want to live? If not, it’s out of here.<br><br>
I’m now encroaching upon my sacred hours of sleep, so I’ll sign off. But let me know where the 90 percent rule might make sense in your life (if anywhere). It’s helping me in little ways and I’d love to hear about what you think.<br><br><b><u>Things I’m Thankful For Today</u></b>:<br>
1. That I figured out how to clear old bookmarks off my mac’s surfing program<br>
2. That Daisy was so cute and sweet on our walk<br>
3. That I made yummy 15 bean soup and zucchini bread today<br>
4. That it smells and feels so perfectly crisp as fall settles in<br>
5. That the BEAR in our yard Saturday morning didn’t hurt us or come to any harm itself ! yikes!Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/109982007-08-08T12:50:00-06:002007-08-08T12:50:00-06:00Heber, ArtsFest, and Lake Barkley...Hi ho, those who tried to come out and enjoy the music last Thursday night in Heber City, UT…the rain and wind got the better of us, and the show got cancelled. We’re so sorry! It was going to be the first band show since Daisy became a member of our gang, and she was ready to rock! We ended up having a nice catch up meal at the Spin Cafe — which was great! Gelato in Heber! — but were disappointed not to get to play. Next time… (or maybe not — a few years back, the same thing happened!)<br><br>
Artsfest show on Saturday was terrific! Thanks everybody for coming out. It was terrific to see so many familiar faces in the audience — singing along, helping keep me on track with my own lyrics! We did a few songs we hadn’t done in a while — U2’s All I Want is You, for one — and had a blast. Mark and Daisy ran a tight ship over at the CD table, with the help of Cathy King, and our friends Ryan (and Susie and Lia) kept spirits high and the schedule running on time by being a step-in roadie…thanks everybody!<br><br>
Coming up, we have a show on Wednesday Aug 22nd at Deer Valley (7- 8 p.m.) and a cool show at The Homestead on Saturday, Aug 25th. Both shows — in grand summer tradition — are Free! Sweet! The DV show will feature my Wild Honey band, and the show at the Homestead will be a different set up — lovely — with Violinist Aaron Ashton and percussion by Daniel Day. Hope you’ll be able to join us.<br><br>
We’re here in Cadiz, Kentucky, for an annual family vacation at Lake Barkley. We’ve been coming here since I was a kid. I remember stages of life taking place here — fishing off the dock when I was a little kid, roller skating loops around the lodge arc and doing arts & crafts with the recreation crew when I was a grade schooler, trying to be cool and going out for boat rides with found friends when I was a teenager. It’s strange to be an adult here. I feel like everything is smaller. I’m not as good at the (same) video games in the Game Room as I used to be. (Galaga, Pole Position — classics!) Different rhythms seem to rule our days, different forms of entertainment guiding the evenings. <br><br>
It’s a little tough, finding harmony amongst all the different age groups — we now range from 4 months to 67 — we all seem to have different agendas. Getting the deepest tan, finding the perfect buzz, keeping the baby content, relaxing and reading, having meaningful connective conversations with busy family members. Sometimes it’s been easy — we went out on a pontoon boat yesterday afternoon and had a great time, today at the pool Chris and I were playing and singing a little, which was so much fun. (We were resuscitating some old Ray Charles tunes.)<br><br>
It’s harder than it used to be to have everybody here for the whole time. Work schedules, puppies, weddings — life — makes it more complicated to get together. Dena, Brad, Billy, and Peggy left this morning, Chris has gigs, Laura has work this weekend, Susan is mad because my parents had to put their collective foot down about her friend heading home, keeping it a family vacation. For some reason, she’s decided this is my fault (my “third parent” status as the oldest child probably putting me into the meanie category) and so she’s not speaking to me. Good times. We’ve joked a few times that we’d make an excellent reality show. No producers necessary — just bring the cameras. Plenty of drama, plenty of excitement, plenty of hysterical moments. <br><br>
It’s hot as hell. With a wall of humidity that hits you with whomping force. Jumping in the pool helps for a moment, but the bathwater-warm pool temperature leaves you more pruny than refreshed. So mostly, we’re hanging here in the suite with the air conditioner cranked, catching up on the news, magazines, and each other. <br><br>
10 adults and one baby on top of each other on a family vacation. Priceless. Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/109992007-05-12T11:00:00-06:002021-07-13T02:42:31-06:00Little Daisy... …has arrived. She came into our lives early in the morning of April 3, and nothing has been the same since. She’s very sweet, and Mark and I have a hard time not spending all our time just looking at her…best show in town, as any new parent will tell you. It’s crazily fascinating, this little being with her scrunched up face and little sounds and tiny cry, insistent as it is cute.<br><br>
The first weeks are a blur now…our natural birth left me proud but tired, and recovering is a whole body thing that I never thought about really until my tailbone, neck, head, and even jaw muscles joined the parts you’d expect for a couple weeks of achiness as everything found its way back to normal. Thank God for massage, for chiropractic care, for wonderful family members who kep us fed and tidied and sane as we tried to adjust to interrupted sleep, the new world of nursing, the art of interpreting Daisy’s little cries.<br><br>
I had read about people who say that they instantly ‘knew’ their infant upon seeing them — having a sense of “oh! it’s YOU!” that overwhelmed them wth familiarity. So I have been surprised at how ‘new’ Daisy feels to me. She is a mystery, a lovely stranger that I’m greatly enjoying getting to know, a baby enigma that is at the moment at the center of our world with her new smiles and basic needs.<br><br>
I have a new respect for my own mother (of six!), for all mothers, for mothers of multiples and adoptive mothers who may not always get the preparation period inherent in usual gestation. I feel at once like I’m the first and only person who’s experienced all this, and that I’m linked to all the mothers of eternity, all of us in a long linked chain of nurturing and astonishment.<br><br>
I feel new tenderness for my father, for the power of fatherhood and its intense protectiveness and amazement. For its responsibility, its questions, its concern and sometimes helplessness.<br><br>
Mark is a wondrous father. He is different with Daisy in a way that I love, a way that balances probably the sheltering nature of a woman’s instinctive care with an adventurous approach, a can-do attitude that fathers bring. He carries her differently, talks to her differently, asks her funny questions and already is teaching her things that I suspect will take at least a year to make sense to her, but it’s great and perfect.<br><br>
Daisy frowned a lot in her early weeks, looking distressed and worried as we all tried to find our rhythms. I was reminded of a quote by one of the psychics — maybe Sylvia Brown? — who said that we often take on a lot, too much, when we’re on the ‘other side’, planning what we’d like to experience and achieve in this life on earth. And then when we get here, we’re a bit overwhelmed by how actually hard it is. And she added: “look at any infant — doesn’t the expression on their face usually look something like ‘oh shit…I don’t think this was what I imagined.’ ” Daisy had that look a lot early on and it was worrisome (will she be a frowny kid? will she be worried all the time?), but now at over five weeks, she’s relaxed quite a bit and smilesat us from time to time and looks around curiously. We are relieved and finding more fun each day as she responds more to our goofy faces and baby talking.<br><br>
She was so impervious to sound these first several weeks that I began to think she had a hearing problem. Huge bangs, hammering, dogs barking — nothing would wake her up or startle her. This, too, has changed, and Mark and I have taken to tiptoeing out of her room upon putting her down so as not to wake her.<br><br>
We are blown away by the generosity of our friends and family who have welcomed Daisy with wonderful gifts, cards, and wishes. From my ‘goddess circle’ women who beckoned her with a ‘Fairy Godmother birth bracelet’ of precious stones to the funny onesies sent by my brothers and sisters to terrific ‘daisy’ themed items — darling towels, robes, washcloths, slippers, dresses, pjs, and a million other things. The most adorable collection of items I’ve ever seen. She’ll be a little fashion icon until she’s two, at this rate. My brother Chris tells me that daisy items have now joined the inexplicably extensive collection of frog-themed stuff at my parents house. Frogs and daisies. …Okay.<br><br>
Music and songwriting has taken a break from my main attention as we get used to our new life with Daisy. I did have a great opportunity to sing at the wedding of our dear friends Lily and Mark last weekend in Napa Valley. Mark is in Melissa Etheridge’s band, so she was there (which was cool!) and I got to visit with other great songwriter friends, like Beth Thornley and Rob Cairns and Dax Bauser. There seems to be an interesting theme among my songwriter friends lately, a relaxing of that desperation to ‘make it’, whatever that means. A lot of the writers we know have chosen to step back a bit, to take a break from the constant question of ‘what next? who can I send my record to? how can I get the next gig/exposure/connection?’ Which I think is healthy. Maybe we’ve all been working at it too many months (or years) in a row, maybe it’s a natural stage of one’s career when you just need to stop and reflect a bit, but it’s interesting how we each are approaching the process. Having Daisy has given me a natural break in the rhythms of writing, recording, performing…I feel certain that when I return to it full speed I will have found a new energy in the foundation from which to work. Others are choosing to just do an EP instead of a full-length record, to skip a couple music conferences, to write without an endgame for a few months or years. When people ask Dax what he’s doing at the moment, he honestly replies that he’s “figuring that out,” which I love. We all do do do so much. Maybe it’s important to remember to just be for a while, to remember who we are instead of running around trying to get so much done. I don’t know. But I will look forward to hearing the music and having the conversations on the other side of this journey. I think they will be rich and bright.<br><br>
At the moment, we’re figuring it out too…caring and delighting in little Daisy, finishing our kitchen remodel (please God soon), getting bits more sleep in a row each day. I’m also thinking of walking a marathon, recording some spec pieces for “This American Life”, and working on a chilidren’s album that I’ve had on my mind for a few years now. It seems like the time for all these things. But for the moment, I’m psyched to have had a chance to write here a little bit.<br><br>
Thanks for coming by. I hope you’re all wonderfully well.<br>
xo<br>
mb<br><br><u><b>5 Things I’m Thankful For Today:</b></u><br>
1. That Daisy slept long enough for me to write this.<br>
2. For the great soups that Lillian made that fill our freezer — delicious!<br>
3. For a beautiful trip to Napa and our fun time at Carneros Valley Inn.<br>
4. That so many people have welcomed Daisy with such enthusiasm and love.<br>
5. Our friends who have been so supportive (and informative) — thanks you guys.Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110002007-03-09T16:30:00-07:002007-03-09T16:30:00-07:00Focus EnvyI’m jealous of people who seem to be able to finish things.<br><br>
Lately my focus is strange…it seems to wander and appear in little puffs, instead of periods of any sustained presence, which is tricky! If I’m not doing something very short-termed and critical (like eating or peeing), or longer and critical (napping or well, more napping), I’m finding myself lacking usual motivation and concentration. Things that used to feel very urgent and important seem less so, but in a non-alarming way, at least. I was feeling so unproductive for a while there that I decided to keep a journal of what I’d actually accomplished each day as evidence that I was at least getting SOMETHING done. But then I decided that even that was a bit too much effort. (!)<br><br>
As some things recede in importance in the rhythms of my day, other areas have gotten spotlighted in new ways. I suddenly find myself NEEDING to deep-clean the laundry room, or HAVING to get the furniture put together RIGHT NOW, or pitching old canned goods into a donation box with a fervor. I’d always heard about nesting, but actually experiencing it is a trip! We decided we needed to renovate the KITCHEN — right NOW — so we’re currently just hoping the cabinets will predate our other coming arrival and that the floors will go in smoothly, the appliances will arrive on time, etc. I’d always wondered why expectant parents do that — plan big house projects — but it’s a compulsion that’s tough to ignore. The urge to create a peaceful, functional environment before things change is a powerful one. Crazy, yes, but powerful. And hell, now we’ll have cork floors. Cool. !<br><br>
The shift in how I’m thinking about music has been significant too. I find “the edge” that has always accompanied my ambition feels rounded off, which is a surprise (and positive thing). I imagined that I might feel an additional urgency or pressure with music when we decided to become parents, but it’s been a different experience. Maybe it’s some metaphysical thing — something that the baby him/herself is bringing to the mix — but if anything, I feel more secure, more relaxed that what I’m doing has meaning and relevance in the world, and that it’s all going to be alright. (Could this all be some fab response to new and different hormones? Sure! But still!)<br><br>
Okay, this is a good example of my attention span (and inability to sit in one position for more than a half hour)…I feel like I have more to share about this, but it’s time to move on to a mid-morning nap. (Seriously — I often take ‘after breakfast naps’!).<br><br>
Thanks for being here!<br>
xo<br>
mb<br><br><u><b>5 Things I’m Thankful For Today:</b></u><br>
1. One month left until April 9th — our due date!<br>
2. Tivo!<br>
3. My nice lunch with Stephanie on Tuesday.<br>
4. Good fiction books as a break from more ‘critical’ reading.<br>
5. The wonderful women and friends who have helped us celebrate over the last months.Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110012007-02-19T13:40:00-07:002007-02-19T13:40:00-07:00Alive and well, with some big news...!Well, hello hello my dear friends…! I’m so sorry for the long silence…it’s been a fascinating journey over the last several months and I’m afraid it just consumed me in a way I never would have expected. It’s beyond anything I’ve experienced before in both magical and daunting ways.<br><br>
We’re having a BABY.<br><br>
I guess part of me hesitated in talking about it here, feeling that many of you aren’t in the stage of life where you’re having kids, or it would be weird and non-musical to discuss it, or just that it might change the way you feel about me in some way (because I know sometimes it’s changed the way I see my friends). But I can’t NOT share about it anymore. It’s too big (and so am I!) to keep under wraps, it’s too fascinating and lovely and I would really love to share some of the thoughts and moments that are coming up throughout the process with you.<br><br>
One of the more pertinent aspects of this new phase of life is that it’s got me thinking about Children’s Music. I’ve always thought that I might like to do a kids music album someday, and people have asked me about it at concerts in the past. Well, now feels like the perfect time. I’ve begun writing songs for it, and they’re flowing really well. I’m realizing that there is a great opportunity to affect kids and parents through music — remember “Free to be You and Me”?! — and that I may have a unique message to offer. All those hours that you spend in the car…wouldn’t it be cool if parents found themselves not only tolerating the music their kids like, but being moved by it too? Can I do this? I hope so. We’ll see. Hopefully our latest release will be here in early April as planned, and the kids project will start coming to fruition by this summer. I imagine I’ll need to do some playful market testing with my core kids audience…so maybe this year’s summer shows will have a brand new component!<br><br>
Thank you to all of you who have written in to say hello or to make sure all was well….I also want to apologize for the ridiculous forum problems we’ve had with spam over the past few months. I finally had to pull it for lack of time to moderate the hundreds of non-pertinent messages that were popping up every day. We’ll find another way to communicate and continue the great sense of community and sharing that you’ve all created.<br><br>
On a final note, I’m now a MAC USER! Whoo hoo! and it’s so cool! I’m currently working on ways to provide photos here, demo songs, a podcast, and other things that always seemed more than a little out of my technical reach. I’m clearly going to be a fixture at the Apple Store (I’ll be the one with the buddha belly) as I learn more about how to do all this cool stuff.<br><br>
Best wishes, everybody, and again, I’m so sorry for the long quiet period. It feels great to be back!<br>
love,<br>
mbMary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110022006-09-16T15:30:00-06:002021-07-29T16:00:31-06:00State of the East Coast Tour...Hi Everybody! I had big plans of writing in the blog every night, but I think I was sadly mistaken about the energy and focus requirements of playing so many dates in new places every night or two…this has been a blast so far, but also one of the hardest, trickiest things that I’ve ever done. Just making sure that I’m where I need to be, rested enough to put on a (hopefully) great show, organized with materials and promotion, etc….there’s a lot to do! Not the beach days I perhaps expected. But it’s all been great, and it’s been wonderful to see and meet so many of you on the road, and I’m learning more than I ever imagined. Here are some show by show updates…<br><br><b>The Melting Point, Athens GA</b><br>
I kicked off my tour by speaking to Bruce and Steve’s class at the Music Business Program at the Terry School of Business at UGA on Tuesday, Sept 5. The class was so cool – it focuses on how to do all the things that I had to kind of figure out myself in typical haphazard fashion…how to set up a record label, how to work with investors, how to find promotional support and get your legal entity stuff worked out. Such important info and so well organized and presented. I was really impressed. And jealous that I had to read about 43 books about the music business to get a realistic overview that these students were getting in a year long program with two great instructors. <br><br>
On Wednesday the 6th I played at <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">The Melting Point </span>with host Ken Will Morton playing a great opening set. WES – you are the MAN on sound…holy crap! We used an SM87 instead of a typical 58 microphone and with Wes’s magic hands on the board, I was really psyched with how everything sounded. It was sounding just like melted butter up there in the monitor…lovely. The Melting Point is a gorgeous listening room venue where you’re sure to to hear many terrific artists over the next several months (including Aimee Mann, Shawn Mullins, other fantabulous songwriters). They’ve just begun an “Uncorked and Unplugged” Music and Wine-deal Series on Wednesday nights that Ken Will Morton is going to host. Please check it out if you’re in the mood for a sophisticated venue where you can hear yourself think (and you’ll probably be thinking: damn, this music is amazing!). I got to meet such nice folks at the gig too, btw…thank you to all the people who came up to say hello, bought cds, or/or gave nice feedback – a special shout out to Mike and Chrystie Dekle, Michelle Roach, my dear friend Bruce Burch, and the students from Bruce’s class who were kind enough to come out. Thanks to The Melting Point, Bruce, Troy, Ben, Wes, and of course, Ken Will, for setting up such a lovely gig and inviting me to be a part of it. (As a sidenote, The Foundry Park Inn was a sweet! place to stay and their restaurant, Hoyt House, had THE BEST BREAKFAST ever. They had these breakfast potatoes that introduced me to Southern Cooking in a BIG way…I think they were mashed potatoes, dusted in flour, coated in cheese and then fried on a GRIDDLE. Are you kidding me? They were unbelievable. My mouth is watering right now as I remember them. Ummm, Hoyt House…)<br><br><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Show at Eddie’s Attic...</span><br>
We had a great time on Thursday, September 7th at Eddie’s Attic in Decatur, GA, the other night. John M opened up the night with a rollicking set and songs inspired by current events and family relationships…then I played my set, starting out with Better Than Anyone and grooving it was cozy and mellow throughout, except for when I told some stories about Goin’ On and Deeper Love that got people a little riled up. Special thanks to Shalom for excellently manning the board and keeping the sound crisp and lovely for the good people listening in this great room. After I played, we all got to sit back and chill to Evan McHugh, whose jazz/alt/pop sound reminded me of a guitar-based Rufus Wainwright (one of my favorites) and a bit of John Mayer with a lot of just his own Evan McHugh thing going on. Very cool. Eddie has set up a terrific room for listening – if you love music and prefer not to be shushing the loud people while someone is singing their heart out, this is the venue for you. Please visit them and enjoy the wonderful writers they bring in. And their hummus plate and sweet potato fries. It was my pleasure to play there – thanks to everybody who helped make it happen and who came out for the show…it was a real treat to have such old great friends there…thanks Jori and Jeff, Jay and Hillary, and Mr. Cooper. It was wonderful to see you. Jay and Hilly – it was awesome to spend so much time with you and Sam too… he’s a rock star in the making for sure!<br><br><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Smith’s Olde Bar, Atlanta GA</span><br>
Smith’s is one of those great Atlanta institutions that feels like it’s been there forever (and maybe in some form or another, it has). I’d heard about it a lot before ever walking through the doors, since Julie Jones used to work there and the Coops used to talk about it from time to time. It has a lot of character, and the room where I played, “The Atlanta Room” was totally groovy and comfy, with couches and little tables and a great sound system (and a nice waitstaff that whispered under the music when they brought food or drink or settled up a bill, which I found really thoughtful). <br><br>
Sean did a great job with the sound…I was thinking about trying to get over my problem with live show recordings (it can be loosely described as – “if the show’s being recorded, you can be sure I sound extra nervous and a little sucky”), but as it turns out, the recording gear wasn’t in the house that night, so I was relaxed, happy, and felt totally plugged in and good about the show. It was AWESOME to see so many familiar faces, including Hilly, FredCoop, Sue and Bruce, Julie and John Paul, Julia and Colleen…you guys were so great to have in the HOUSE, thanks! <br><br>
A great guy named Rudy Vaughn opened the night…I liked his stuff a lot. Very rhythmic and rootsy – kind of “jamiriquai meets John Mayer”…great grooves and good songs. I invited him to come check out the Durango Songwriter’s Expo in Park City in October…I hope he comes. If you’re a songwriter reading this and want to get some industry responses to your stuff (and a possible opportunity to showcase, etc), please check it out too. It’s going to be great. <a target="_new" href="http://www.durango-songwriters-expo.com">www.durango-songwriters-expo.com</a><br><br>
The LOW POINT to the night, unfortunately, was when just after my set, my dear friend Jen came rushing in with her friend Joslyn, both of them incredulous that they had missed the show. They’d been upstairs the whole time, for an hour and a half! waiting for me to come on in a different music room. So the signage for the Atlanta room could probably be a bit better…but Jen’s making the trek to the show in Charlotte, so thankfully we’ll get the chance to hang out at a gig after all. Which rocks!<br><br>
The HIGH POINT was meeting new friends Theresa and Tiffany, who’d come all the way from Thomasville, Georgia, which is 5 HOURS AWAY to come to the show. What cool girls…Theresa said she’d first become a fan in ’99 I think, and had heard about the show through the mailing list. I was so touched. They were heading back to Thomasville afterwards…I hope it was an easy trip and that the miles flew by. Thanks for your devotion to the music, T&T. I’m honored. <br><br>
SIDETRIPS…<br>
After fantastic Atlanta field trips to: Whole Fields, the video store for Entourage — Season One, La Tavola in Virginia Highlands (oh my gosh, the semolina lemon cake was unbelievable), the Cooper couches for a Dane Cook “Vicious Circle” marathon, Jori and Jeff’s terrific new house in Roswell (and Dreamland, lordy!), and the Krispy Kreme store at 11 p.m. one night, we finally headed out on the road for more shows and new territories. So we set out for Savannah, GA for a show at <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">The Sentient Bean</span> on September 11th. On the way, we decided to stop in Macon, GA, for lunch. We decided to get in touch with our Americana vibe and check out the official Visitor Center. Well, Mary Ann took EXCELLENT care of us, and filled us in on all the activities happening in the happenin’ town of Macon. Mark noticed Shawn Mullins’ photo on a poster and remarked that there seemed to be a karmic connection with him on this tour. (And there does…! Everywhere I’m playing, there are posters of Shawn Mullins there too, saying he’s just played or is playing in a day or two, etc.) So I looked a little more closely at the poster, and it turned out that he was playing THAT DAY for a lunchtime concert that began in a HALF HOUR!! So we grabbed a lunch, got the last two seats in the big outdoor tent, and settled in for a great free show. Shawn’s opener and sideman was a terrific artist named Clay Cook (who co-wrote “No Such Thing as the Real World” for John Mayer – wow – amongst other great songs), and then Shawn came on and played a killer set. Mark and I noticed that it’s an especially fortunate thing when you have three hit songs or more…one at the beginning (his current radio song, “Beautiful Wreck”), one in the middle (“Shimmer”) and one at the end (his monster hit “Lullaby”). What a cool thing to stumble across…there were funny moments throughout, when the longest trains in GA came barreling through behind the stage, but the show was really fun and we felt so lucky to have found ourselves in the right place at the right time.<br><br><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">The Sentient Bean, Savannah GA</span><br>
This gig was a quiet one, on September 11th, and there was definitely a subdued sense on the day. It seemed that every piece on the radio, on tv, even on the internet news pages referenced the attacks on New York five years ago. It’s an additional anniversary for my family, as it was just a week or two later that our family home burned down that year. But as life-changing and draining as that experience was for us personally, it also brought a totally different opportunity to experience compassion and support from the people around us, which I so hope is one of the lasting elements that resonates with the people most affected by 9-11. <br><br>
When we got to TSB, there was a great group of “Grannies for Peace” there, singing songs about peace and protest. They graciously yielded the floor to me when it was time to start, and with my white chocolate latte in hand, I started playing for the small but focused crowd. By the end of the night, we’d gotten very cozy and conversational, and the lingerers all gave me special gifts that they had on their person, including a tiny box from El Salvador, an offer of a place to stay in Copenhagen, a demo of a cd in progress, and (the funniest), a used pamphlet guide to the nearby factory outlet stores. Excellent creativity, guys – and I’d expect that from a group of design students like you. Thanks to all the good people who came out and shared the evening with me. <br><br>
After enjoying the afternoon in beautiful weathered wooden deck chairs on the beach in Hilton Head, SC, it was time to hit the road again. We stopped for lunch in Savannah on the way out at “The Lady and Sons” – Paula Deen’s restaurant (you might have seen Paula making delectable goodies on her show on the food channel). I naively imagined that we’d get a picture with Paula and send it to my sister Susan, who’s also a big fan and great cook and baker. But, umm, as it turns out, this would not so much be the case. In fact, the case would be much more like putting in our names to two harried hostesses for a time to come back an hour and fifteen minutes later for a table. Along with hundreds of other hungry people. We explored the riverwalk area and several cool interior design stores, and made it back in time for our slot. It was WORTH the wait. It all turns into a blur or comfort-food-carbs after the mint lemonade began washing down the “hoe cakes” – griddle fried corncakes that tasted the way every pancake should but never does. And the cheddar biscuits. Oh lord. I’ll stop now. But it was killer. And I especially got a kick out of the t-shirts for sale in the little shop at the exit: “Body by Lady and Sons”. Amen, sister. <br><br><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">Juggling Gypsy in Wilmington NC<br></span>Well…the Juggling Gypsy is what it says it is…a creative, free-form space, where artists and members of the community can gather for music, poetry, or whatever else they’d like to express. But it was kind of a weird gig. And the expression didn’t really extend to much music appreciation. But the hookah pipes seemed popular, and the tea was good. I shared the evening with a musician from Orlando named Chris Bell. Sweet guy. It was cool being in Wilmington again…the last time we were there I was in town to be an on-air guest on “Dawson’s Creek” and it was a magical experience. What Mark remembered most from the last trip was the pizza, of all things. So we went out after the gig and found an open pizza place (because prayers as fervent as his apparently get answered) and this morning, dodging seriously torrential rain, we found more pizza. Mark was very happy. <br><br>
We arrived in Durham tonight and are psyched to check out this area and explore tomorrow before the gig at the Broad Street Café, where I’ll be opening for local faves the “Bull City Band”. Hope to see you there! <br><br>
TOMORROW: Playing the Evening Muse in Charlotte, NC, one of my very favorite cities in the South. I love it there! Hope to see you tomorrow! Thanks! Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110032006-08-18T13:15:00-06:002006-08-18T13:15:00-06:00Surprise MeSurprise Me…<br><br>
We were at a dinner the other night with some new people, and when the hostess asked what one gentleman wished to drink as an aperatif, he replied saucily, “Oh I don’t know...surprise me….” His tone was neutral, but his manner a little weary. I found myself wondering what possible drink might be the perfect one for him, and felt glad not to be the hostess who was in the kitchen mixing up something for him to taste and critique.<br><br>
It occurred to me that we often ask the universe/God/lifeforce to respond to our needs this way. Instead of declaring this is what I want and this is when I’d like it please, we mope around, feeling vaguely unhappy. We ask the universe to bring change or blessings or something — God! anything!, but offer no guidance or parameters for what we wish to experience. “Surprise me,” we say unconsciously. “Choose for me.” <br><br>
Maybe the thought of being responsible for all our choices is too daunting. I know that there have certainly been times I’ve chosen things that appeared to bring me more challenges than joy in the long run. I’ve chosen experiences that brought me pain or disappointment or frustration (rather than the delight, status, and comfort that I imagined). Maybe we get a couple of these in a row and start feeling like our judgment is off, that we should “leave the driving” to somebody else. And so we do. And we become reactive to our lives instead of active, passive and sleepy as we go through the motions of a life we’re living but somehow never really decided on. <br><br>
What the upside of asking the universe to “surprise me…”? Well, you might get something more fabulous than you can even imagine, right? What if our hostess knows of an elixir more lovely than any you’ve ever tasted, and now you’re drinking it! There’s that, although I suspect that happens much less often than the “hmm, this is okay, but not really satisfying” response. There’s also the ability to place blame for your unthrilled state of affairs on someone else….so it’s not your fault when everything, well, sucks. And then there’s the big upside: it seems easier. There’s no effort, just a passive drifting along, without intention or direction. No need to examine our course, no need to create tension to help steer us in a firm direction. We get to just drift, which is sometimes all we feel capable of doing. Which is okay — it happens — except when it’s such a habit that our muscles become slack and weak, uncapable of supporting us when we decide we’re ready to start striding purposefully again.<br><br>
I don’t do it perfectly myself. I try to plan and use intention and action to demonstrate what I wish to bring into (and send out of) my life, but I still struggle, stumble from time to time. But if I’ve learned one thing about the process so far through personal experience, it’s to USE YOUR DESIRE. I explore the concept in my song “Circle of Desire” in the bridge: “So much to do/ so much to find/ but with each choice, so many left behind/ what is desire but a guide….to where we’re supposed to be.” <i>What if desire is our greatest gift? What if it’s the indicator of where we’re to direct ourselves in order to learn what we wish to learn in this life, to find the delights of this earth, to find the blessings that will balance out the challenges of a given experience?</i> Isn’t this evidenced by how tenacious our desires are…? We sometimes bury them, deny them, redirect them, delay them, and dance around them for decades, but the big ones stay with us until we engage with them and give them some loving attention. <br><br>
Today I ask for the strength of conviction and courage, so that I might do better than to ask the universe to Surprise Me. <br><br>
*********<br><br><u><b>5 Things I’m Thankful For Today:</b></u><br>
1. The amazing and generous opportunities that have come to me this month (opening for Etta James, playing for M.F.’s event)<br>
2. The amazing and generous women in my life, especially Steph, Pam, and Nancy the other night, and Susan so very often.<br>
3. The amazing and generous care of my honey, Mark, who supports and loves me so beautifully<br>
4. The amazing and generous enthusiasm of Utahns for my music…I am so thankful for the smiles, applause, cd purchases, and kind words.<br>
5. The amazing and generous ability of the body to do what it does — to heal, to manage itself, to wisely do things we barely understand…I’m thankful for good health, energy, and the ability of my body to do what I ask of it.Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110212006-07-22T17:35:00-06:002006-07-22T17:35:00-06:00Opening for Etta JamesLast night was A—MAZing! My opener gig for Etta James was such a blast…I can’t believe that I was given such an incredible opportunity and that it went so wonderfully…! Thousands of people in the seats and on the lawn at Deer Valley…a perfect night…looking out at so many familiar and lovely faces…all I can say is ‘wow.’<br><br>
I had the boys with me (Joel Stevenett on drums and Craig Poole on bass) and they rocked! It was a tight little trio and felt just perfect….well, I missed my girls Joslyn and Margie and the love that they bring to the songs, but it was still great, and I got to look out and see them having a great time in the audience.<br><br>
And Ms. Etta….! Whoa!! Unbelievable! Everybody dancing right in front of the stage, her kickin’ band!, she’s a rockstar! (Truly!). Bringin’ it in a HUGE way, looking gorgeous and sounding amazing! She KILLED.<br><br>
Thanks to all the great people who came up to say hello or get CDs signed or to send kudos to the band… and to all the crew, volunteers, and Mark and Patrice for helping people find the right cds for their music collections!….and to the Park City Performing Arts Foundation and Ideasphere, who put on the show and invited us to be a part of it. Today I’m off to play the Farmer’s Market in Salt Lake City…ah, a cozy, mellow gig (it might hit 138 degrees, but other than that, should be a kick) and then to chill with my honey until tomorrow’s show with Doug Wintch at Miner’s Park in Park City. A triple header weekend…! I’m a little hoarse from “whoo-hoo!ing” at Ms. James last night, but we’ll have a great time anyway.<br><br>
xoxo<br>
mb<br><br>
p.s. Since a dozen people asked, the sparkly top I was wearing was DKNY. Glad to help!Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110042006-06-06T05:15:00-06:002020-06-29T05:11:11-06:00"This Is Our Life" on Everwood last nightLast night, a beautiful show came to an end. I felt a lot of connection to the show. My friend Greg Berlanti brought it to life and it’s filmed here in Utah, they’ve used some of my music in the past. And it just feels real.<br><br>
I’m sad to see it go. There’s not a lot of television that works in the depths and levels that Everwood has. And the characters have so much more to them than the buffed bodies of so many other shows directed toward people in their teens and twenties. Characters who think. Characters who worry about things worth worrying about.<br><br>
“This Is Our Life” was used over a montage of Delia’s bat mitzvah…it felt like the film and music had been made to go together. Beautiful. I felt so honored to be part of these last great moments of the show.<br><br>
Thanks for watching, thanks for writing me about it or leaving messages on myspace, and thanks for sharing some really good final moments of a great television show.<br><br>
We’ll miss you, Everwood.<br><br>
———————————–<br><br><u><b>5 Things I’m Thankful For Today:</b></u><br>
1. The moving, beautiful usage last night on Everwood.<br>
2. Music supervisors! They rock!<br>
3. Our first lovely dinner out on the deck last night.<br>
4. The lilacs blooming everywhere — and the discovery of Linden trees…umm!<br>
5. The roomy, perfect, handmade wooden desk that Mark made for me for my new office.<br><br>
For more thoughts on “This Is Our Life”, visit my blog about it from 8/23/05. Thanks!Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110052006-05-07T06:20:00-06:002006-05-07T06:20:00-06:00A Magical Moment in Time in ChicagoHi everybody…<br><br>
Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve written. . . I kind of dug a hole for myself with that last two-part blog entry on How To Write a Song, and I wasn’t sure how to get out. I still haven’t finished the bridge on “This Too Shall Pass,” so I felt funny about writing about something new until I’d finished the song here on the blog. Well, screw it. I don’t know when it will be finished. And I don’t know if it will be interesting enough to write about or read about at that point. So let’s not worry about it.<br><br>
I found that trying to disseminate the process felt really weird and disengaged from the mystical/creative/purer parts of the writing. . . I felt that I was presenting writing as if it could be broken right down into a series of left-brain choices and logical decisions, when that’s not quite it (although it can be a helpful part of the editing process, for sure). I don’t find that writing really works that way, typically, but I guess I was trying to keep the whole thing more accessible for people who’ve wanted to experiment with songwriting but have felt intimidated by it. It was a valuable exercise for me in that I’ve had to realize that as much as you can get better at seeing what’s working (and maybe a little faster or better focused at it), songwriting still holds a ton of mystery and magic and connection to something else for me, and hopefully for you as you listen to songs that you love. And this mystery/magic/connection is not something that any one person has for just themselves. Every person has access to this, and can find its unique porthole into his or her life. We can always try to understand the way we do things, but it doesn’t really always reveal why we’re good at them (or not), why people respond to them (or not), why we love these processes (or don’t), and it doesn’t mean that our way will work for anyone else.<br><br>
So…thanks for walking with me down this little path…more synthesis and coherence, hopefully, in upcoming posts.<br><br>
——————————<br><br>
Spent a few days in Chicago this weekend for a gig, and got to see my Mom and hang out with her, which was great. The gig was for a guy who wanted to do a really special proposal for his girlfriend, so he flew me in and put me up at a lovely hotel on Michigan Avenue and basically booked me for a private concert for their (hopeful) engagement. It went off without a hitch, and Brad and Marnie looked really happy throughout the concert and evening, very romantic and sweet. It took place at a funky little piano bar on Ontario called Grape Street and Vine, and the staff there were all great. Good Chicago people. I miss that scene so much sometimes.<br><br>
Here in Utah, people are extremely nice, but also usually extremely polite, which — when combined with a low rate of drinking alcohol — makes for very quiet, reserved crowds at shows. Chicagoans are, by nature and heritage, a more rowdy bunch — more outspoken, more outgoing, more full of commentary and personality at times. I was getting into a cab on Monroe, strugglying a little bit while loading my bags into the trunk by myself, and a woman walking by pointed at the cabbie and said crustily: “Do NOT tip him! Sitting there at the wheel while a nice girl is putting her luggage in the trunk by herself! Argghh!!” I mean, where else can you get that kind of commentary?<br><br>
On the way back from the show (sorry that it wasn’t open to the public, good fans of Illinois), I walked the couple blocks back to my hotel and TONS of people were out — shopping, eating, walking, drinking. It was so lively and light, a warm night, and I was wired from the gig so I’m sure I was smiling like a crazy person as I walked at a good city clip. A talented saxophone player was jamming his heart out on Michigan, adding so much to the atmosphere that I jogged over and gave him a big tip. He gave me the biggest smile, worth every cent. A couple guys seated at outdoor tables and well on their way to a festive Cinquo de Mayo asked me to come hang out and have a drink with them as I walked past. They were sweet and inviting, but I just encouraged them to have a great time and kept walking, enjoying my solitude and the beautiful evening.<br><br>
The next day, I went to a great restaurant called The Grande Lux Cafe. I was alone and had come for breakfast, and the hostess seated me in this gorgeous rotunda part with window seats that overlooked the Magnificent Mile. I felt like I’d won the seating lottery. I had a beautiful, slow breakfast and loved watching the people, a conveyor belt of humanity moving by on the sidewalks below.<br><br>
A dozen other lovely moments resonated for me as I enjoyed my time in the city. It had been ages since I’d been there alone for a day, with no real responsibilities, and it was awesome.<br><br>
I love all my trips with Mark, and with family and friends, but it was a very different experience to be alone in a place rich with possibility and stimulation. It’s like part of me woke up that had been really sleepy. It’s so natural to filter our experiences and choices through the people that we’re with that I think we begin to forget to recognize or remember our own true preferences. And it’s a very good thing to find that singularity in our viewpoints from time to time, and to nurture it.<br><br>
There’s a line in my song “Circle of Desire” that people have had trouble understanding sometimes. It goes: “But still I can see my life through single eyes, a wisp upon the breeze, Following every whim I please… so different but no higher…In the circle of desire.”<br><br>
This is exactly what I’m talking about in re-finding a singularity of vision. There is a part of us that is positively (that is, not negative about being) selfish. A part of us listens to a hundred little signs a day about what might be exciting or delightful or fascinating, and we too often have to tell this part that there’s no time right now, or no energy, or its needs are less pressing than these other ones here, sorry.<br><br>
Your “single” eyes are your way of seeing and being before you were looking out for what someone else might prefer, need, or want. For an hour, or an afternoon, or a day, it would mean making choices based on just what you are drawn to and find interesting. (NOT what the kids might enjoy, or the food your honey always likes, or the show that you should watch so you’re up on this topic for your bookclub or whatever. No shoulds, compromises, or habit...just choosing from moment to moment based on instinct and desire.) It can be harder than you think. You might find yourself wandering aimlessly a little bit, or taking a long time to decide where to have lunch, or what to order when you get there. That’s okay. Drift! See where the hour takes you. I think it’s an important part of identity and creativity to allow things to unfold, at least occasionally (but preferably a lot!). It’s flow. It’s freshness, away from habit or constant confines of responsibility and roles.<br><br>
Plan a magical moment in time for yourself in the next week. And let us know how it goes!<br><br>
Til then…<br><br><u><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: bold;">7 Things I’m Thankful For Today:</span></u><br>
1. My very swanky flight yesterday.<br>
2. The fascinating book I’m reading by Barbara Sher called “Refuse To Choose” about incorporating all your creative and life interests in a way that makes you happy<br>
3. Lots of new adds and fun people and messages on my myspace page <br>
4. Meeting Mike, Carol, Mardi and all the other nice people at Brad & Marnie’s concert<br>
5. Having such a nice overnight with my Mom at Oakbrook on Thursday<br>
6. That my Mom let me drive after I white-knuckled it on the trip from the airport<br>
7. The opportunity to sing “Someone To Watch Over Me” with complete abandon the other night as I warmed up and the club was nearly empty…it had been years since I remembered how much I adore that song.Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110062006-04-15T17:00:00-06:002006-04-15T17:00:00-06:00How To Write a Song - Part 2Strangely, I’ve been kind of dreading following up with the part two of this How To Write a Song exercise. It felt like something I should do here, instead of the natural direction of my current thoughts and inspiration. (A treatise on how skiing or taking the bus are great metaphors for the creative process comes to mind as a more tasty direction, but there will be other days for this…). It occurs to me that this reticence is similar to what I feel when I get to this stage of the writing. Isn’t that interesting.<br><br>
Once the flush of the fresh new idea has started to find some footing, I often find myself a little…well…over it. Okay, let’s move on to another idea, another new thing, something else fun and exciting! I think. (For the record, this creative ADD manifests itself in dozens of other ways in daily life around here as well.) But if I want to say something complete, I know I need to explore the whole idea and find that magical mood mix of concentration, discipline, and inspiration in which I can FINISH this song. So here we are.<br><br>
I most often find myself drawn to a song structure that goes like this:<br><br>
Verse<br>
Verse<br>
—–Chorus<br>
Verse<br>
—–Chorus<br>
Bridge <br>
—–Chorus<br><br>
Interestingly, with this tune though, a different structure has come up. This happens. I like it when it does, since it’s something different and fresh and might bring some nice texture to a collection of songs someday. This song’s structure seems to be emerging as:<br><br>
Verse<br>
Set up (set up is the channel or line that “sets up” the chorus, title line, or hook)<br>
Chorus part (different words each time)<br>
Title line (last line in the section that is the title of the song)<br><br>
Verse<br>
Set up/Chorus part/Title line<br><br>
Bridge<br><br>
Verse<br>
Set up/Chorus part/Title line<br>
________<br><br>
The song opens with a visual introduction to what’s going on — someone looking sad — and some element of setting the scene for what we’re talking about. The next verse section should take it a step further, move the idea to another level. I’ve started with the concept that when you’re sad/desolate, this will pass, so the next step might be to explore the feeling of flying high — the thrill of everything being unbelievably fantastic. And the idea that this, too, shall pass.<br><br>
I’ve been thinking a lot about all the excesses of the film festival fetes, all the fleeting ways that people’s favor converges upon us and recedes. And that misguided sense of “forever” that lead me to begin writing this seems to apply here so well too…I think most of us have experienced at least a brief sense of entitlement from time to time — the feeling that I’ve worked so hard for this. I deserve this. It’s about time! that blinds us to the fact that “our time” may not last indefinitely. Here’s what comes up:<br><br>
Sitting on top of the world<br>
Have you ever been so happy that you just can (think? deal? speak?)<br>
Crying and laughing taking turns<br>
At the wheel<br><br>
Here you’ve got your moment in the sun<br>
The smiling and the clapping yeah from everyone<br>
Well, while they love you, honey, let them fill your glass…<br>
Cause baby this too shall pass.<br><br>
And now would come the bridge. I don’t know exactly where to go on the bridge yet. I know how the music goes — my hands found a third down from the root that feels like the right place to start –but the lyric and rhythm of words is still beyond me a bit. I tend to find that the bridge is the place where the larger issues of the song are explored — the big picture meaning, the comment on the idea, the unique take on the situation, hopefully — and I’m not sure what that is quite yet.<br><br>
So I’ll see if I can complete the verses and let that guide me. It might sound weird or counterintuitive, but making a song is sometimes like doing a jigsaw puzzle…if you can find a couple of pieces in one place, others seem to make more sense too. Since we’ve covered sad/desolate, and happy/thrilled/maybe even cocky, I think the completing tone might be something about nothing. Absence of direction, absence of stuff happening. Lows, highs, and nothings.<br><br>
I’ve been waking up a lot around 4 - 4:30 a.m. lately, worrying about things, pressing things in my mind to remember to do, ruminating about the fact that my youngest sister never calls me back, that contracts are taking too long to complete, wondering where I really am in my life and career. This was happening a few years ago on a really regular basis, and a psychic commented to me that 4:00 a.m. is the time that Tibetan monks wake up to meditate, since it is the period of day cycle when our crown chakras are most open and active. Always a fan of monks, psychics, and chakras, this seems to be as good an explanation as any for my extra-early morning active introspection. So I’ll work it into the verse.<br><br>
Here’s what arises:<br><br>
How the hell d’ya end up here?<br>
Four o’clock this morning staring in the mirror, wondering<br>
If it’s gonna happen for you like you thought, all along<br><br>
Now I’m a little stuck. I don’t have the answers. If other people are waking up in the morning too, I don’t know that whatever I say can offer an help or solution. But it’s a good time to notice who I’m talking to. Is this song to myself? Is it a morality tale to a broad audience? Is it to other artists? It feels like it’s largely to myself, like someone is guiding me to remember these things. This helps me feel more receptive. I’m staring out the window from my piano as I’m pausing here; this has helped me more than I should probably admit. I watch a bird singing away in the trees and I think I have something:<br><br>
But something in the sunrise sings<br>
(You must believe that) Nothing really happens and then everything<br>
Oh whether it’s a waiting game or moving by too fast,<br>
Baby this too shall pass.<br><br>
I don’t like the second line. It’s awkward to sing (and I’ve been singing through the piece as a whole and section by section as I’ve been writing it and it’s never felt natural) and isn’t really nailing what I want to say perfectly. There’s a rhythmic break in this part of the first verse — I think I’m looking for more of an impact like that. I remember a magnet or card or something that I saw on Felice’s refrigerator about "Nothing happens, Nothing happens, Nothing happens and then Everything Happens." It comes to me as I’m actualy playing this song (in it’s unfinished state!) at a recent casual gig. The line becomes:<br><br>
You must believe that nothing, nothing, nothing! and then everything<br><br>
It works better. Now I’m looking more closely at other lines that are bugging me. Like the third one. Still no answer on this. Like the second line of the song: “Everything good must end”. I decide to pull this back from the dire vibe, and state it more matter of factly: “Everything comes to an end.” Feels better.<br><br>
Still no bridge. But now I can pretty much sing through the whole song, play the music of the bridge as I look for words, and feel pretty good about where it’s going. I’m feeling that there’s a possibility of doing something bigger at the end — maybe a modulation or double end verse thing or an extra long extra fancy! tag or something, but everything I’ve played with so far is feeling a little forced. We’ll be back.<br><br><u><b>5 Things I’m Thankful For Today:</b></u><br>
1. Folk festivals and the good people who care so much about meaningful music<br>
2. Our nice night at the town house yesterday<br>
3. That we’re going to have a nice evening at Brett and Susan’s tonight<br>
4. The book I’m reading: “Hypocrite in a Poufy White Dress” by Susan Gilman<br>
5. The greenery that is emerging from the once solid fields of snow everywhereMary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110072006-04-06T11:50:00-06:002006-04-06T11:50:00-06:00How to Write a Song - Part 1I’ve been working on a song lately called “This Too Shall Pass.” The process has been good — normal, typical. I thought it would be interesting to write about it and define the writing process for myself, and to open it up to others to share how your projects come to life. (Maybe there are wondrous new ways that could help us all! I hope!)<br><br>
First — The Idea: <br>
This song, called “This Too Shall Pass”, started out awhile ago during the Sundance Film Festival, a time when creators are rapidly called upon to step up to their highest possibilities and glory, or alternately, to sink low into the realities that their latest piece is not capturing the public imagination in the ways that they’d hoped. I watched a dear friend skillfully navigate the wicked and wonderful waters of the fest with his first feature film, bringing as many people along for the ride as he could, experiencing the swells and occasional retreats of favor with so much grace and dignity.<br><br>
I was inspired to consider more deeply the sense of permanence that we emotional, creative types seem to attach to everything. When we’re selling 10,000 records a week, we somehow imagine we will now continue selling 10,000 albums a week forever. And we start adding up the fun we’ll have with all that money and all those opportunities! Excellent!! (we think, only to be shattered when the numbers begin dropping, and the phone is ringing less or the royalty checks are dwindling down…). Or on the other side, when nothing’s gone right for months and no one seems particularly interested in our latest projects, it’s throw-ourselves-off-the-ledge time. Oh, the drama! “I’m quitting this f**ked up business,” we tell ourselves. It’s over for me. I can’t deal with this anymore. (we think, only to find ourselves surprised by an out-of-the-blue opportunity that gets the sun shining again in an unimaginable way).<br><br>
Being in demand is so fleeting. Being a decent human being should not be. Creative work (especially when it joins up with the commercial world of a film fest or music conference, etc) with its highs and lows and thrills and frustrations makes me think about how quick — in a “snap!” really — we can go from one place to another. An empowered, ready, jammin’ mood to one of weepy, cranky, mad silences — or the other way around — in a moment! So this thought was in my mind, rankling around in the back somewhere as I went about my days.<br><br>
Next — A Phrase.<br>
I read a really fun and interesting book in February called “The Know-It-All : One Man’s Humble Quest to Become the Smartest Person in the World” by A.J. Jacobs. A.J. is a former editor at Esquire who decided to read the whole Encyclopedia Brittanica in a year. His life story mirrors a lot of us wordy/creative types, I imagine. Straight A’s in gradeschool without too much effort, lots of affirmation and more good grades in high school, and kind of shanking it in college. (Too many distractions, that’s my story.) In his quest to recover the feeling of being the “smartest kid in the world,” he begins reading every single passage in the EB, and summarizes the highlights for the reader. One of these passages highlights the story of a king sending out the wisest counselors he had to find the greatest truth. They came back with the phrase “This Too Shall Pass.” And then they talked about why this was the greatest truth known to man. (I am paraphrasing REALLY badly here, but I already leant the book to a friend and can’t look it up — sorry.) The phrase stuck with me, and I kept thinking about it. It has a lot of religious connotations for me (in a grand “Moses on the hilltop” kind of way) and an almost gospelly sense about it, in that it seems like a phrase I’ve heard used in one paraphrase or another by older African-American women as they counselled younger generations and prayed for patience.<br><br>
Thirdly, the kicker: <br>
I usually need a little kick to jolt me out of my to-do lists and occasional bouts of creative A.D.D. for long enough to get to the piano and focus. The kicker is almost always the “Three” in the “things come in threes” wisdom. When something crosses my path or mind three times, I’ve learned to pay a little more attention. And so when I read the “Just Plain Folks” newsletter a couple months ago, right after the A.J. Jacobs book, and it was all about the phrase “This Too Shall Pass,” I knew there was something to work with here. There were three, four, five and six, in this article too, in case I needed them too. http://www.jpfolks.com/JPNotes/index.html<br><br>
Fourth-ly? the writing:<br>
So I sat down, caffeinated and quiet, and let my hands find a chord that felt like a good starting place. It was a D chord, and without really knowing why or how (although I’ll try to describe it a little better later), the words came out of my mouth, singing:<br><br>
“Baby, don’t you look so sad… <br>
(ooh! feels good so far. . . now I’ll do a gospelly chord change for a minute and see if it works)<br>
Everything good must end <br>
(it does! hmm. that’s a little more negative than what I’m really trying to say hear. might come back to that thought, but just keep going)<br>
Everything you’ve ever had<br>
(back to the root chord feels good. I guess I’m not going to rhyme the last line. that’s ok.)<br>
Someday will go <br>
(just trying to remember it all now so I can write it down in a minute. feels true. feels real.)<br><br>
But freedom, baby, lays her gifts <br>
(what does that mean? I don’t know but I’m going to keep going)<br>
Opens up the window, lets the fresh air in<br>
(personifying freedom…will that make sense? too much ‘baby’ for this early in the song?)<br><br>
And that’s where the connection got lost. Right near the end of the stanza/verse. Crap! Come on! I swear, sometimes — the best times — it is like there’s a little direct line to something/someone else that is transmitting the music and words to be dictated down. And it’s right there. But then it’s not, and it’s your job to keep working the bit you have until it’s whole somehow.<br><br>
So I take a moment to write it all down on my pad of lined blank paper. And start looking for that last phrase. I try several. As it turns out, “pass” which I know will be the last word of the verse, is a tricky rhyme. Aside from “Ass” which I sense will not be my rhyme, or class, which doesn’t feel like it either, nothing is coming to me. Let’s do a soft rhyme here, and use ‘cast’ and ‘pass’.<br><br>
The last bit becomes:<br>
“You can’t turn back time, no that die is cast<br>
But baby this, too, shall pass”<br>
(Okay I like it, but there are A LOT of “babys” happening here. Pull back.<br>
And find something a little less heavy for the second line)<br><br>
That’s how the proceses begins for me. An idea that stays with me, a turn of phrase (that will probably be the title), the kicker into action, and the starting to write. Not all songs get this far for me. Not every one starts this way — sometimes there’s a melody that seems really promising that I have to sing into my voicemail to not forget — and some songs will never find an end at all . . . there are certainly lots of orphaned little song embryos floating around notebooks throughout this writer’s house (and many other houses, I imagine).<br><br>
I’ll continue with the expanding and editing parts of the song next.<br>
Thanks for reading and sharing this process with me.<br><br><u><b>5 Things I’m Thankful For Today:</b></u><br>
1. The great ski day we had on Friday and that I didn’t get really hurt when I biffed<br>
2. Leather and down couches<br>
3. Law and Order Criminal Intent, Sopranos, and Big Love on HBO tonight…! Hat trick tv on Sunday night!<br>
4. For our nice walk in Old Town today even though I was a little cranky<br>
5. PossibilitiesMary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110082006-04-03T13:15:00-06:002021-07-29T15:58:54-06:00Spring Cleaning and Walking CarefullyI’ve had a professional organizer working with me over the last few weeks, coming in once or twice a week to get through my office space with me and make a more workable and beautiful work area.<br><br>
It’s been more than cool; Jamie has enlightened me a lot on the steps of creating clear, functional spaces. I’ve cleaned and decluttered before (usually in a spring cleaning frenzy or mad-dash effort before Mom visits), but I never put much thought into what happens after the cleanup. I can’t believe I ever thought I could avoid re-messing up my areas considering the minimal attention I’d given to structure over the last ten years. Sometimes structure has felt confining to me in the past; apparently the random boxes of papers and materials that would accumulate all around the office felt less confining than some kind of lovely system in which one can, umm, find things.<br><br>
But here we are. With a budding little system coming together and a greater confidence in my ability to keep it together than I’ve ever had in the past. I am thinking a lot about clearing space and what it means. I’ve read all the Karen Kingston books about space clearing and a dozen more about feng shui and chi, but somehow it has be to felt to be appreciated. All this energy moving around up here. . . my mind is clearer, my tasks more straightforward, my stuff with places to go.<br><br>
Martha Beck says our spaces reflect our feelings about parts of our lives. That if you ask yourself what areas of your house are a mess, you might get insights into what parts of your life need some reflection and sorting out too. It’s been good work, doing the foundation for the business side of this art. It’s making me feel like any opportunity could come my way and I can handle it. It’s a cool, empowering feeling.<br><div style="text-align: center; ">———————</div>
<br>
I’m in a weird position with a production company I work with sometimes. We’ve had a long relationship (that’s been mutually beneficial) and a conflict has come up between our interests. I’ve been invited to do a show that would be amazing for me , but may cause significant hassle on the production company’s side. They’re friends. We’re professionally valuable to each other. And yet, we are in a bind here that seems to be about stubbornness and self-interest (but is also about philosophy and progress) that is not easily detangled.<br><br>
My default is to yield to the friendship. I believe that remembering that love is the reason for most everything helps most of the time. But I’m feeling pulled another way on this one. I think there are sometimes occasions arise in our lives that ask us to grow in other ways. To grow more strength of purpose. To grow more flexibility. To grow a backbone. To grow less afraid of having someone mad at you.<br><br>
It’s frustrating, trying to make everybody happy all the time, and it never works.<br>
I so want to come to a mutually psyched place on this. I hope we can.<br><br>
Please share if you have insights on this. Thanks.<br><br><u><b>5 things I’m Thankful For Today:</b></u><br>
1. A hard, great workout with Patrice<br>
2. A gorgeous pear/brie/bleu cheese soup at lunch (Lordy! sounds weird but was fantastic!)<br>
3. Ebay and the vintage Easter stuff I found there that reminds me of my Grandma<br>
4. The chi flowing in my office! Wahoo!<br>
5. A wealth of ideas streaming in on the kids music project Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110092006-03-11T15:50:00-07:002006-03-11T15:50:00-07:00Northwestern Music MemoriesThere was a blurb about my music in the recent Northwestern Alumni newsletter, next to the listings of other alums’ promotions and marriages and births. It got me thinking about my music presence back in college, and what it was like when I was starting out — so much energy and enthusiasm, so little experience or contacts. So much engagement and possibility, so little plan.<br><br>
I lived at Jones, a residential college with its own theatre, practice rooms with pianos, dance rehearsal space, and a Steinway. There were always plays and shows and Friday night performance series, where people would get up and do something new for the artsy crowd in my dorm. I enjoyed Jones, and the got a great kick out of the eccentric and talented community of people I lived with. The Friday night series created a constant opportunity to try out new songs, or to collaborate with other people in a low stress but respectful environment. The song “Birches” from my first album Something Real came out of a beautiful collaboration with Gabi and Shauna. I had been reading Robert Frost for a poetry class and we decided to have me write a song and bring in flute and dance as part of the performance. I’d never done anything like it, and haven’t since. And it was absolutely lovely.<br><br>
It was at Jones that I scored my first show, a Sam Sheperd play called “Lie of the Mind.” The director didn’t want to give me any forceful direction as far as the music — he wanted me to find it myself through metaphors. I still remember his words: “If this music were a bird, its song would make you cringe. If this music were a dog, it would have three legs. Your MOTHER would not like this music.” Which sounds kind of weird, but actually helped. In honor of the metaphor, we named the pit band “Three-Legged Dog.” From that project I learned to work within the environment at hand, meaning: if someone wants to create unusual parameters for a project, just go with it. Consider the possibility that every limitation or guidance is a game created to help you grow or be more unique in your response to the puzzles of our creative lives.<br><br>
I played a lot in a duo with a great guy named Drew Merrill. Drew was a dreamy, deadhead guitarist who had a beautiful, mellow voice (and always a beautiful, mellow girlfriend swaying in the audience somewhere). We’d play at Norris Student Center, or at Tommy Nevin’s Pub, and people were really supportive of our little guitar/keyboard/harmony thing. I used to get really freaked-out nervous before shows; Drew’s laid-back vibe taught me a lot about just being relaxed and enjoying yourself during shows. And his talent always shone, whether he was with me or playing with his main band, a huge campus favorite called “Left on Red” that played pretty big gigs and pulled a great crowd. I was a little bit in love with Drew for some of that year, which possibly helped the music a little, and I was enamoured with the feeling of my life at the time. Everything seemed so charged with sensuality and energy and possibility — and it was! It was as if life was especially taut with potential and vibrancy, ready to spring me into connection, distance, or tears, or rapture, or discovery. Around every corner could be my soulmate, or a phrase that would guide my next song, or an earth-shattering concept I’d never considered, or a mystical experience.<br><br>
Every morning I’d wake up and head down to the Unicorn Cafe, a comfy place that earnestly began introducing espresso drinks to the community. Can you even imagine life without these?! It was a revelation! Coffee that tasted the delicious way it smelled — wow! I got to know the owner a little bit and asked if I could do a few shows there, and I did! The Unicorn had a funky upright piano, which was cool, and people sat and listened, which was great. My friend Mary came up to me after my first show there (really my first solo show in college) and said, “I hope you’re going to do this for your life…you <i>could</i>, you know.” I was so thankful for that generous comment. It gave me some confidence when I really needed it. Playing at the Unicorn made me feel that I could do it by myself if I needed to. Sometimes I think we hesitate from sharing our responses with fellow musicians or artists, thinkingour comments wouldn’t matter to them, or “oh, they know already” or “there are too many people around, I’ll mention it later” or whatever, but it really matters to me when people share their feelings about a show or song, and so I try to make that effort too. (The feedback, btw, isn’t always good, but it is always illuminating — at that same show at the Unicorn, another dear friend told me I looked tortured and wasn’t I having a good time? Why yes, I was, so I worked on making sure I looked as happy as I was feeling so that the audience wouldn’t worry about me, which is something I try to remember even now).<br><br>
Occasionally I’d stretch a little and play shows at nearby places, like the Heartland Cafe, a funky organic restaurant and cafe in Rogers Park, or No Exit, a cool spot under the El tracks. So scary! to play even a few miles from the insular campus community. But always fun, always interesting, definitely good for me. And the organic food was a huge plus. And I’ve come across people who remember those shows, which is astonishing! <b>I</b> barely remember those shows! A bit daunting to think about, really. Ripples in the pond and all that.<br><br>
Senior year I scored a play called “The Floatplane Notebooks” that my roommates, Jason Moore and Paul Fitzgerald, had adapted from a Clyde Edgerton novel of the same name. It was an incredible production and I felt the power of music in such a real way. My Dad, whose back bothers him and who is not a big theatre-goer, couldn’t stop talking about the play afterward, which says quite a lot by our family culture. It was powerful and moving, and a thrill to create the music for it. Jason and Paul had worked incredibly hard on this project and had brought it to life. I felt the pressure of their intentions for the piece and really needed to live up to that, which asked me to work through very bad procrastinating habits and time-management crap. Or to start to, anyway.<br><br>
There was an annual program called “The Niteskool Project” which gave selected students a chance to record their songs professionally for inclusion on a compilation album. My demos were pretty sucky (and my songwriting was a lot younger too), so I never made the cut for the album, which was incredibly disappointing. But I pulled it together and volunteered to help out at the sessions (usually very late-night deals revolving around insane amounts of caffeine and sugar). I learned a lot. I embarrassed myself a few times while learning how studio sessions work (stories for another blog, I think). I realized how much time it takes sometimes to get the sound you want. And watched how musicians can get in their own way. And by the end of my time at school, I’d recorded some tracks at a friend’s home studio and was thrilled with the result. Bit by bit the pieces had started coming together.<br><br>
I look back at my early days of creating and performing music at NU, and my feelings about it now are much more gentle on myself than they were then. I felt like everyone was ahead of me and more together — sending out press kits, getting gigs, opening for cool bands that came to campus, on their way to a big record deal and fame and fortune, and I was still struggling along just playing little cafes. But maybe things unfold the way they do for a reason. And maybe each step in the journey has been one that gave me foundation, or nudged me along quietly, or pushed me hard when I needed it. I’m thankful that I got to spend time at a place where there were so many opportunities to play and be heard and grow. I mean, really… what else can we ask of our lives?<br><br>
Wherever you are in your life, your creative work, I hope that you can find that balance between working your ass off and allowing life’s opportunities to announce themselves on their own schedule. The world is changing every day, moment to moment, and our jobs as creative spirits is just to find our place in it and discover what we’re meant to contribute. I look forward to experiencing all of your contributions, and I thank you for sharing mine.<br><br><u><b>5 Things I’m Thankful For Today:</b></u><br>
1. The great show last weekend in Evanston, Wyoming. Thank you good folks who came out! I’ll be back!<br>
2. Brownies hot from the oven.<br>
3. The fun music/pub crawl where I’ll be playing tonight.<br>
4. That we’ll get to hang out with our families next week<br>
5. For the pretty snow over the last few daysMary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110102006-02-27T16:05:00-07:002006-02-27T16:05:00-07:00Valentine's WishesA few weekends ago, we had a beautiful concert here in Park City to celebrate Valentine’s Day. Being a fan of the idea and practice of wishing, I thought I would invite people to take part in a “wishing experience” within the show. So we set up a huge red heart in the lobby, covered it in sticky stuff, and laid out a table of markers, cool decorations, red “wish slips” of paper for people to write on. And a lot of people did! At the end of the show, while I played “This Is Our Life,” the heart was brought up on the stage, front and center, and we all took a moment to send some good thoughts toward each other’s hopes and dreams. It was a powerful moment for me, and the audience, too, I think, as we all shared in this process of reaching toward our wishes together.<br><br>
I knew that I’d have to find something to do with the wishes. I mean, they couldn’t just go in the dumpster. But there’s a lot of energy in that kind of stuff, I think, and the idea of living with it in my office or our house seems a little tricky too. So after two weeks of this beautiful huge red heart (still covered with written wishes) riding around in the back of my car, I’ve decided to give the wishes a little kiss into this new moon cycle, and share them with all of you. Please take a moment send some positive vibes toward these lovely people who were brave enough to declare their wishes to the world, and add your wishes to the list by adding a comment below. (And then YOU’LL be one of the lovely people!)<br><br>
Thank you to everyone who came together to share such a special night, for the warm attention, and your generosity of spirit. I wish for your wishes to come true! (And as a side note, I still haven’t checked my Mega lotto ticket yet, so I’ll send another wish in that direction!).<br><br>
Wishes from the Heart:<br><br>
I WISH:<br>
for my true love and I to come together.<br>
for more time with my friends and family!<br>
for everlasting love<br>
that Clara-Belle enjoys her 1st run in the pasture!<br>
that I were in a great place with no financial worries<br>
for a happy life forever<br>
that I could stop the rat race and start living!!! -> yippee!<br>
that little people could rule the world!<br>
for snow every night and sun everyday!<br>
that the man in our lives would tone down his anger and enjoy life!!<br>
for peace for everybody!<br>
I got my wishes this year!<br>
for more snow<br>
for M. and M. to have a wonderful life together!<br>
for continued love of good friends<br>
for my true love to show up tomorrow<br>
that I had a green iPod. James, age 5<br>
for health and happiness!! to all!!<br>
to be this in love forever!<br>
that the tender people could feel safe.<br>
for peace on earth!<br>
for E. and I health and happiness together<br>
that my boyfriend would come home!<br>
for a safe and easy trip tomorrow. <br>
for the chance to work hard and reap the rewards from it!<br>
for no more wars!<br>
for love and happiness<br>
to be happy to be content<br>
that Mary Beth will play at my wedding! <i>(I thought this was a sweet one!)</i><br>
for our baby to be here by June<br>
to start a family<br>
for no U.D.A.B.C. <i><span style="font-size: smaller; ">(Utah Department of Alcohol Bureau Control — or something close…)</span></i><br>
for tolerance and respect<br>
to be my best for those I care about.<br>
for the soul to create more. . .<br>
for my family to live long.<br>
for intimacy and love<br>
for a horse.<br>
for complete, abundant, prosperous, joyous, loving, healthy success for M!<br>
that K’s and my relationship lasts forever.<br>
for sunshine in Summit Park<br>
to build a beautiful and affordable home easily!<br>
for true love always and forever!<br>
for a world of Open Hearts!<br>
that there would be PEACE ON EARTH — no wars<br>
for a Happy Birthday song to B.H.<br>
that lots of people come to MB’s concert and they all have a great time! <i>(thanks!)</i><br>
for love, joy, and happiness in the lives of my family, friends, and ME!<br>
for a life full of family and adventure! <br>
that we’ll still be together next Valentine’s Day!<br>
for world peace and understanding!!<br>
for my great-grandma to stay alive.<br><br>
I’m so struck by how universal our wishes are. I think I’ve wished almost all of these at some time in my life. (The eleven year old me was really grooving on the wish “for a horse,” btw.) I am moved and inspired by these wishes and they will live on in all of you who read them and share the same hopes.<br><br>
I<b><u> am thankful for so much today, but mostly for:</u></b><br>
1. My fantastic supporters and friends who helped with the show — Randy, Mark, Sofia, Ted, Cathy, Shea, Jim & Billie, Ed, Patrice, Sam, Jessica, Jenny, Dana, Joslyn, Margaux, Aaron, Joel, Craig, Ori, Matt J., Alicia K., the RSF gang, Jen and Kerry and the girls, and all the people who made extraordinary efforts to come to the Valentine’s Wish show. You guys are the best!<br>
2. Beautiful new pale blue-green candles (and on SALE too!) from the Spotted Frog<br>
3. A gorgeous afternoon out Cross Country skiing today<br>
4. The wonderful conversation and evening with Keith and Rose-Lee last week<br>
5. The Jin Patisserie and Abbot’s Pizza in Venice, California. Something for her, something for him. Delightful!<br>
6. Travelling with no checked bags. ROCK ON!<br>
7. Laughing so hard that my tea was coming out my nose at breakfast with Paul at the Farmer’s Market.<br>
8. The new song I wrote today called “This Too Shall Pass”<br>
9. Sunshine sunshine sunshine!<br>
10. That good feeling in your muscles when you’re tired from physical activity instead of stress.<br>
11. The nice guy from PC Lock and Key who let me back into my car when I was locked out today like a doofus.<br>
12. The excellent zenlike state that’s brought about by being locked out of your car (with your phone inside).Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110112006-02-18T05:45:00-07:002006-02-18T05:45:00-07:00Business vs ArtWe’re in the last stages of finally finishing up a music deal that’s been in the works for months and I AM HATING THIS. I am talking to my lawyer more than my friends, I have a constant stream of legalese running through my brain, I’ve put too many tasks on the back burner, and I’m sick of thinking of all the ways that a situation could go that I should prepare for or protect myself from or whatever.<br><br>
I’ve been here before, and I didn’t like it then either. It begs the question:<br><b>how do you balance business and art?</b><br><br>
I guess some people choose to distance themselves entirely from the business side. This can be business vs. art approach number one. <b>Let’s call someone like this the “Hands Off — hire out and let me create” artist.</b> He hires people to do all of it — lawyers to negotiate the contracts, business managers to pay the bills, accountants to track receipts and do taxes — and he concentrates on the creative work. I’ve heard about these people and I admire their focus. I admire the time and energy that they must be able to devote to their craft, free from the weight and clutter (and pure paper!) of the business issues around them. I also admire the bank accounts they must maintain in order to keep this staff employed. I wonder if he had to reach a certain point of knowledge and business acumen to get where he is, or if his talent was so clear that all the pieces just fell into place and a team stepped forward, wanting to get involved (I don’t actually believe this happens — every successful person I know has worked their ass off — but I wonder about it when feeling insecure).<br><br>
There are a few problems with the total “Hands Off” approach, the way I see it. Firstly, qualified and experienced people don’t want to work with you when you’re an “emerging artist” since 5% of what you make (a typical percentage deal) will not even buy their gas. (Especially lately.) Secondly, when you’re successful enough to interest these professionals in working with you, you may find yourself without the time or inclination to note each detail and dollar the way you did in the early days, which puts you at risk of getting ripped off by a dishonest or opportunist “team member.” We’ve all heard the stories of the notorious band manager who embezzled a zillion dollars (me? I’d notice if, say, a zillion dollars were missing, but hey…), or the business manager who paid for his yacht along with someone’s bills, or the lawyer who churned the contract to the tune of ten times the original estimate. And nobody noticed. Or cared. Because it was all going so well, that no one thought to check up on it. Lastly, artists who maintain a lot of staff to keep their careers running smoothly pay for it dearly, even if their staff is completely honest and fair. A busy, successful artist might have a lot of pay outs — add it up: 5% to a business manager, 10% to a booking agent, 15-20% to a top end manager, 5% to a lawyer, 10% to a personal manager, plus payouts for band members, a publicist, a stylist, a trainer, road crew, merchandising fees, product manufacture, and oh yeah, taxes!, can leave you with a little sliver of the pie which is the industry of YOU. If you’re doing great, the pie might be humongous and your little sliver will take care of you and yours for ages. If not, well…you’ve seen these folks on “The Surreal Life.” And working at jobs that make you shudder.<br><br>
But it still sounds appealing in a rock star, glamorous kind of way, doesn’t it? “Oh, sorry, I have to take this — it’s my business manager” sounds so much more fabulous than: “wellllll, got to head to the internet cafe and pay those bills online before the late fees kick in, see you later”. . . right? Even if it might mean you’re more informed, aware, and in control of your money or anything else when handling it yourself. The draw of being taken care of is a strong one. Sometimes I think that’s a big part of the rock star fantasy… just not having to deal with stuff you don’t want to. (Of course we all know that things would inevitably pop up that we’d have to deal with that we wouldn’t want to, but they don’t appear in our fantasies, so screw that.) In addition to being taken care of, I think option number one here offers another payoff: somebody to blame. When you delegate all your business tasks to others and rely on them without question, you’re creating a fall guy for whatever failures or frustrations might come up. You can be angry or irritated with someone ELSE for the problem; it’s not you, or your art, or your decisions (or lack of decisions) that lead to this moment. This has its benefits.<br><br>
So our little “Hands Off” fellow goes into the studio day after day, continues to write or paint or produce, and tries not to ask too many questions that unsettle his team members. He enjoys his process, and tries to ignore the small voice which encourages him to learn more about what he’s signing, who has power of attorney over his accounts and body of work, and what his balance sheet looks like at any given time. He tries not to worry about things like future security and reversion clauses and quarterly tax payments. He tells himself there’s too much to do on the current projects, he doesn’t know about all that stuff anyway, and so he should let the pros handle it. After all, weren’t they recommended by those great successful friends of his? Hands Off may reach creative heights and find substantial fulfillment in his career artistically, yet find himself alone and uninformed if his work turns in an unpopular direction. He may be left with less money than he should have, less contacts than he might have had, less certainty about what steps to take next.<br><br>
But there are other options. <b>There’s approach number two, the “Hands on EVERYTHING” artist.</b> This go-getter believes in knowing each aspect of the business as thoroughly as possible. She’s read all the books, keeps up with monthly newsletters, asks the right questions, and knows her stuff. She will not be duped by a smooth-talker or bullshitter, and impresses the industry people she meets with her knowledge and understanding of both the surface (and undersurface) of the business. Industry folks wonder if in fact she wouldn’t make a great manager, or art gallery owner, or publisher (as well as singer, painter, or writer). Her focus is scattered but she’s managing everything (barely). She’s doing it all, by herself: writing up press releases, styling herself for photo shoots, booking her own tours, fulfilling orders, editing content, managing the money, researching the contracts before bringing in the lawyer. And every piece of that pie is HERS (dammit).<br><br>
This approach has its, umm, <i>issues</i> as well. As talented, as gifted, as one might be, it is quite likely that by doing everything by oneself, this artist is missing out on the depths of knowledge and experience that a talented professional has in his or her field. AND all this gathering and application of new knowledge is tiring, inefficient, and most likely, costly, even though, on the surface it’s less expensive. In other words, it’s not only exhausting, but a little cocky and probaby not cost-effective in the long run. She thinks: “I can do it as well as the rest of you — for free — what do I need you for?” What underscores her thoughts might be a little darker: “I have to do it myself…because you might rip me off, or I might be unhappy with the result, or I might give up some control, or then I can’t say I did it all myself.” Hmm. Right-O. Well, that’s one way to go at it.<br><br>
Our little “hands on Everything” is willing to take the heat — she has no intention of placing blame on anyone else — but she’s also afraid to release her white-knuckle grip on every aspect of her business, which makes her tense, tired, worried, distracted, and overwhelmed. But she imagines the day when all this hard work had paid off, and all the profits go into her basket, and this keeps the process in motion. Her little voice nudges her to spend more time on the work itself, to actually sit her butt down at the keyboard and write more, write better, keep at it, but she convinces herself that all these tasks need to get done — and she’s the only one who can do it — and so she does. She probably won’t get ripped off. But she also may never reach the level she imagines, limited by her own knowledge, skills, time for her art itself, and contacts in a competitive industry.<br><br>
———<br>
Clearly these are extreme examples, and most people use a combination of approaches as they move throughout their careers. But I think we all have our leanings, and looking at the silliness (and dismal realities) of our tendencies at their extremes may help us figure out where we can confidently delegate more tasks and where we should be participating more directly.<br><br>
I’ve been trying to do too much myself. As much as it freaks me out to invite partners and team members into my career (and income, and sense of personal accomplishment), I believe it’s time to open up the flow a little bit. Share the wealth, if that’s what comes. Share the concerns, if those are what appear. Share the journey, as full and thrilling and fun and frustrating as it often is.<br><br>
So this deal will get done, and the legalese and details and six thousand possible future scenarios will all recede again into the concerns of real life and actual decisions and plans of action. And hopefully all the knowledge, experience, contact, skills, talents, and confidence of those who I’ve invited into my life and career will benefit both sides of this partnership in amazing, positive ways.<br><br>
Where in your life is there a little voice calling to you for balance? If you are careening through these days as so many of us are, barely able to manage the tasks (let alone philosophize about them), I encourage you to try to get quiet and listen to what it’s asking of you. There must be a healthy middle space between mostly business or mostly art. Or mostly anything. What a wondrous world we live in, full of ideas and ways of seeing and ways of being. Let’s enjoy it. More.<br><br><u><b>Five things I’m thankful for today:</b></u><br>
1. The Olympics. The thrills of victory, the agony of defeat is right, baby. I’ve cried about 50 times since they started.<br>
2. Aloha Ski & Tuning Shop on Main Street in Park City. Thanks Jackie! <br>
3. Shamans and the fascinating terrain they explore.<br>
4. People who make terrific efforts to help with and come to my shows — thank you good people of Feb 12th at the Egyptian!<br>
5. Big Ray’s BBQ of Ottawa, Illinois. Rock on, Big Ray and Jonathan!!Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110122006-02-07T19:10:00-07:002006-02-07T19:10:00-07:00Good ThingsIt’s 2:08 a.m. and I have had a crazy busy day (week? quarter?), so hectic that I can barely think. I’m totally exhausted from today’s training session at the gym, hour of email, tv interview, (lovely) lunch with Hillary, phonetag with Mark who’s in Chicago for Jimmy’s Mom’s funeral, errands for Daly, gas fillup, three hour vocal rehearsal, and writing my life story for a women’s project. AND since I finally had to face the fact that my “eighteen scraps of paper and writing things on my HAND” program for keeping track of my life was not working, all these items now exist on paper in my planner. Yikes, a planner. Wow. I’m apparently a grown up now. With a big fat red leather planner. Without which I can barely remember my name. Hmm.<br><br>
(To my dear non-English speaking friends who read this, I’m so sorry. I’m sure the translation programs are going to really do a number on my slang-ridden text tonight. . . )<br><br>
Since I’m punchy and have to be up again in precious few hours, I just wanted to write a quick blog about all the little good things that make life so much more delightful.<br><br>
Like Kiehl’s Creme-with-Silk-Groom hair stuff, or their Silk Straightener blow drying cream. Unbelievable stuff. Silky, shiny hair, here you come! Or LipFusion lip gloss that IS more than I’d prefer to spend on lipgloss but is also amazing.<br><br>
Like the Wynn Hotel in Las Vegas where we just spent a few great days. And their magnificent linens. Damn I love good sheets. Roses come and go, but great sheets are romantic forever.<br><br>
Like a nice glass of white wine (Alsace region is a favorite lately) and something nice to eat with it, like some almonds and apricot stilton. Umm.<br><br>
Like singing with Joslyn and Margeaux and feeling the harmonies as much as hearing them. You guys remind me all the time why I love to do this. Thank you.<br><br>
Like all the people who are helping with the Valentine’s Wish show on Sunday night. So generous with their time and efforts — I’m so thankful.<br><br>
Like the little tin containers that I ordered off the internet that I’m finding a hundred different uses for, but mostly am filling with a zillion different spices.<br><br>
Like a really good kiss, a narrow escape, a supportive friend, a productive day.<br><br>
Or like a good night’s sleep. !<br><br>
Goodnight everybody. I promise to sound more coherent on my next post.<br>
love, mbMary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110222006-01-09T05:20:00-07:002006-01-09T05:20:00-07:00FiresMy friend Karin hosts a storytelling series in Santa Monica, California, at the Powerhouse Theatre, on the first Monday of each month. The themes are always loaded with potential directions and meanings and always seem to delve into at least a few that no one imagined. Tonight they’ll tell stories about “baggage.” In past gatherings, they’ve talked about gifts, and fat, and fires, and dozens of other things rich in imagery and emotion.<br><br>
Alot of the time, when Karin has told me their theme for the month, I find myself with a story jumping into my lap, wanting to be part of the action. When she mentioned the theme of “Fire” a few months ago, it immediately brought to mind the story (and maybe song) that I haven’t yet written, about when my family’s house burnt down a few years ago. It happened about a couple months after September 11th, when the coverage of the New York attacks had starting to recede and the public seemed desperately ready to return to some kind of routine, some sense of regular life.<br><br>
We were on our way too, clinging to normalcy and trying hard to let quiet daily life kick in, when a furnace leak in our basement store room ignited our home, and years of memories and clothing and christmas ornaments and childhood reportcards and photos and letters and wedding gifts were gone. Walking through the home where all of us kids grew up, and seeing it charred and caved in (or soaked with fire-fighting water and the spooky, almost crazily instant mold that began to grow everywhere), we could suddenly relate much, much more viscerally with the loss and frustration and displacement of many New Yorkers. The months afterward, like most dramatic aftermaths, was full of sadness and confusion and numbness, division and stress to the point of crisis; but also there were miracles, and spectacular shows of generosity, and moments of acceptance and steps forward and rebuilding and new strength.<br><br>
A few months before our fire, I was talking to a woman at Ted and Shelly’s wedding reception, who mentioned that her home had recently burnt to the ground. I was immediately shocked and sympathetic (which is the typical reaction, we later found out), and talked to her quite awhile about it. At one point I asked, as sensitively as I could, if there had been any sense of liberation about it? Was there anything positive that came out of it? And she smiled at me politely as if I were just a bit out of my mind, and said “No…nothing.”<br><br>
That wasn’t my family’s experience. But if we somehow choose the events that really test us in our lives, I’m sure we all choose them for different reasons and different rewards. And even within my family, I’m sure this has affected us all differently — changed the makeup of who we are in the way only fire can.<br><br>
But this fire is just one of a dozen that I’d love to interweave someday into a long, engrossing tale. I’d recall Dena’s car accident, nights at Camp Tuckabatchee, cocoa campfires in high school, the incense in Kyoto temples, vespers and candles in the chapels of the Oxford Colleges in England, candles that spilled wax all over vintage tablecloths while dinner parties carried on far into the night, torches on our honeymoon, candles on the piano at Our Lady of the Snows at Alta, and the directive to begin meditating that I could no longer ignore over the last few years.<br><br>
But for now just this. Today I’ll think about this memory of the last four years and the changes in my family and parents and our lives since, and how much fire has touched our lives.<br><br><u><b>Today I am Thankful For:</b></u><br>
1. The things I love and treasure that trigger such beautiful memories in our home<br>
2. The opportunity to clear out and release the stuff that I no longer need or want around me<br>
3. That Billy’s coming out to visit in about a week<br>
4. Really soft flannel sheets and heavy covers<br>
5. Sunlight on the snowy trees this morning and the silky moonlight on the forest last night<br>
6. The power of a great novel that pulls you in and rents a room in your mind for weeks<br><br>
If you’re interested in finding out more about “Spark,” the storytelling series, please visit: www.powerhousetheatre.com or contact them by calling (866) OFF-MAIN (ext. 5) or e-mailing at <a href="mailto:spark@powerhousetheatre.com">spark@powerhousetheatre.com.</a><br><br>
And please share some of your own “fire stories” here…Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110132006-01-04T11:55:00-07:002006-01-04T11:55:00-07:00The Word from the Couch Hi folks,<br><br>
It’s been a hectic holiday month for me, as I’m sure it has for many of you. . . first a week in Mexico, and then a week with family in Chicago, then coming home to Utah and parties and New Years and gigs…whew! It’s been lively!<br><br>
So my body, recognizing that it could finally mellow out, has in no uncertain terms told me to CHILL, or risk more drastic measures. Thus, I’ve been living and working and Tivoing and resting on the couch for the last three days. I must say: it’s been delightful! Fluffy down comforter, hot tea, kleenex with lotion, a new Self Magazine, wireless laptop access and a whole bunch of Oprahs and Law & Order Criminal Intents on the TiVo. How much better that this does it get?<br><br>
Like every year, I have some resolutions . . . <br>
to invite and nurture more JOY! into my life through the people and activities that I love,<br>
to honor my body with more consistently healthful eating and exercise,<br>
to create a more clear and peaceful home and office environment,<br>
to write and call the people I love more often,<br>
and devote daily time to meditation and my most interesting creative project<br><br>
I can’t say I’m off to a terrific start.<br><br>
Having written down my wishes and intentions with the New Moon on December 30th, and stated my resolutions, I’m ready to go. Mentally, I’m jammin, baby! But alas, here I am on the couch . . . not doing much, umm, implementing. It’s irritating to not feel healthy enough to immediately (today!) start a more hardcore exercise routine, or energetic enough to really dial in on some creative projects or start clearing out some of the excess stuff around the house that’s clogging the chi.<br><br>
But I’m feeling better today. I’ve tried to listen to my body and it’s been happy to rest. I wrote a long email to my Mom yesterday and one to my Japanese host family from high school today. I worked for a couple hours on a music project that’s still in its embryonic stage…it’s starting to flesh out bit by bit.<br><br>
So maybe I’ll add one more resolution to the list — following Brett’s lead — which is to Be More Gentle with Myself. That’s a harder one than it seems, sometimes. It’s a big busy life we’re all trying to lead these days…perfect homes, perfect bodies, perfect relationships, perfect families, perfect successful careers, perfect spirituality! How nuts is this? If we were all perfect at everything, what a robotic colorless monotonous world we would inhabit.<br><br>
And I like my world full of surprises, delights, progress, journeys, colorful characters, silliness, and mysteries to ponder. So I will try like THE DICKINS to make changes in my life that bring me more joy and comfort, and I will do it day to day and with as much love for myself and the people and situations in my life as I can gather.<br><br><b><u>5 Things I’m Thankful For in Reflecting on the Holiday:</u></b><br>
1. The beautiful decorations that my Mom puts up in my childhood home every year<br>
2. The gorgeous weather and comfortable, peaceful times on the beach in Los Cabos, Mexico<br>
3. The delicious foods and drinks that we all shared at so many lively, entertaining meals<br>
4. Thoughtful, fun, and generous gifts<br>
5. Old traditions and new connections, old friends and new progress<br><br>
Have a good day. I’ll be here on the couch. !<br>
:-) mb<br><br><br>Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110142005-11-27T07:25:00-07:002005-11-27T07:25:00-07:00Wings of DesireLast night Mark and I watched the Wim Wenders film, “Wings of Desire.” It had been inhabiting our Netflix library here for months — there’s been so little time to watch movies lately! — and finally, in the heart of a big, deep, winter snowstorm, we settled in to watch it.<br><br>
I’m fairly sure that I didn’t understand some (much?) of the film, but I liked a lot of it very much. I loved the visual image of the angels lightly touching those needing a change of direction, or some hope, or inspiration or wisdom. I love the idea that all around us, there are spirits willing and able to help us. I love the thought that when we’re close, there are loving guides that help us cross a bridge, dissolving the blocks or fears or hesitation that keeps us somehow from the place we want to be.<br><br>
And I believe it.<br><br>
I feel it when I write sometimes. But not every time. Sometimes the writing is like digging, where I feel like a little determined miner. I know the gold is in there, and it sure seems like I’m the one who is supposed to find it, so I dig dig dig away until parts gets uncovered and eventually I can fit the pieces together into something worthwhile. It’s tiring and sometimes annoying, and hard to stay focused; my mind drifts and I think of a dozen other more concretely productive things I might do instead. But I stay on it, the best I can. I try to just keep keeping on it. . . to pull each word out of the endless choices of words, try to make sure the stuff made sense, lay some foundation.<br><br>
But other times, the writing is more like dictation. . . more like I’m the one who has been chosen to deliver this message. It’s like I’m being nudged: “here it is…write it down, make it music, record it and get it out into the world so that those who need to hear it will find it. ”<br><br>
I feel this way about “This Is Our Life.” I feel it about “Til Then.” “Someone Still Believes In You.” “Hold On.” “Better Than Anyone.” “Since You’ve Gone.” “More Perfect World”. And dozens of others. The details of my own experience frame the songs, but they’re not mine. They never were. And if I hadn’t written them (and found a way to get them into the world), I absolutely know that the songs would have found a way through someone else.<br><br>
Years ago, when I was starting out, I did a radio interview at a small station near where I grew up in Illinois. The interviewer asked where my songs came from, and after I thought for a moment, I said: “it’s almost like there’s a constant river of ideas and lyrics and melodies flowing by, and if I’m able to get in the right state of mind, I get to reach up and take a little scoop from that river and hopefully make it into a song. My own life gives me ideas too, of course, and I love to remember little moments in conversations and stuff, but mostly, it’s like the river thing.” Well, the guy interviewer appeared to think that this was the most goofy, idiotic thing he’d ever heard, because after giving me a little bit of a hard time, he cut the interview short and it was over. And I felt kind of stupid. Like maybe this metaphor was too out there, or I shouldn’t have said anything about it.<br><br>
But as it turns out, I’m not alone. I’ve heard other songwriters and artists share similar stories — some from a position of such accomplishment that I feel blessed to have just shared the same thought! — and the more experience I’ve gained in writing, the more true it feels to me. Maybe I feel less attached, egowise, to the idea that I did it, it’s MINE, ME ME ME in the process. (It’s probably a relief to let some of that go, I guess, since ME ME ME is pretty exhausting for everybody).<br><br>
So today, on this richly snowy day, I’m feeling extra tender toward the angels who whisper in my ear, the invisible hands on my shoulder that give me back hope when it’s drifted. And I will try with more conviction to stay still enough to hear their messages, to free myself from the distractions and chatter in my head that push the divine guidance to the fringes.<br><br><b><u>5 Things I’m Thankful For Today:</u></b><br>
1. Fresh baked chocolate chip cookies<br>
2. The comfort of movies from your own couch<br>
3. The heavy, quiet, thick blanket of snow that covers everything<br>
4. That Paul’s movie got into Sundance. I am so thrilled for him I can barely form the words.<br>
5. That Susan’s Mom’s spirit has been released. We are all thinking of you so much, Susan. We love you. Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110232005-11-23T10:15:00-07:002005-11-23T10:15:00-07:00Chex Mix and Other Signs of the SeasonHmm, I’m mellow and happy…just having spent the last couple hours in the kitchen, making all kinds of dishes for tomorrow…like mashed potatoes with rosemary, thyme, sour cream & garlic, the gotta-have-it green bean casserole with those crispy onion things on the top (does anyone buy those at any other time of year?), a cauliflower gratin dish that Lillian made taste delicious (but mine is still a little sketchy at this point), and of course, THE CHEX MIX! With M&Ms! I’ve sampled my efforts so many times that I feel a little pre-Thanksgiving fullness settling in. And I would love to correct my now plummeting blood sugar levels with a once-a-year Dr. PEPPER! but I’m trying to resist. Nothing worse than that 3 a.m. “why the hell did I have to have all that caffeine” argument with yourself.<br><br>
Mir’s doing the big stuff, including two turkeys…one in the oven, and one deep-fried, southern style, just because it’s always fun to see how close to burning down the house one can get without actually doing it, and everyone else is bringing wonderful dishes to share and make the meal complete. There is some talk of deep fried sweet potatoes too. (I must admit, I’m curious.) Dena and Brad have fond memories of their Fry Daddy (back two years ago when they were inexplicably both gaining weight like crazy); perhaps I should rescuscitate their Deep Fried Snickers recipe. (Or perhaps not….)<br><br>
I’m feeling a little drained…it seems to be taking so much effort lately to do such basic things. I’ve been working on reorganizing my office and workflow, trying to get in regular workouts (sometimes it’s working, sometimes not), still trying to unpack from the last three trips (Chicago, San Diego, and LA) and as always, pursuing a clear, clutter free environment in which to create things and enjoy life. All in all, probably worthwhile efforts. . . just a lot more effort than reward at the moment.<br><br>
But there are still gifts … beautiful, extra warm and sunny days of autumn that have snuck in where it should be winter, lovely house concerts & private shows around the country after the large shows and festivals of summer have ended for the year, my new Dymo labelmaker which I’ve got to say, does make organizing things much more fun, and of course, the Chex Mix. So very, very good. At this point, we’ll be lucky if ANY of it makes it to a Thanksgiving event.<br><br><u><b>Five Things I’m Thankful For Today:</b></u><br>
1. the opportunity to support dear friends like Susan and Patrice<br>
2. the pure enjoyment of a delightful lunch and mani/pedi with Stephanie<br>
3. the responsiveness of the universe: ask, and it often delivers! In this case, helpers…!<br>
4. the fun of cooking…just quick, easy, guided creation, baby!<br>
5. the nice evening we have planned with close friends tomorrowMary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110152005-11-15T08:20:00-07:002005-11-15T08:20:00-07:00Juicy Parts Hi everybody,<br><br>
Alas…I’m remiss! Have you ever kept a regular journal, only to notice that if you go back and reread it, the really juicy parts of your life are all missing…because you’re too busy and consumed at the moment to write and reflect about it?<br><br>
Well, that’s kind of where I am, folks. Life is good, and hectic, and exciting, and full — and I haven’t been writing or reflecting nearly enough. So…hellooooooo.<br><br>
The good news is that lots of stuff is happening. I’ve had several of my songs appearing in new tv shows over the last several weeks — including FIVE songs on a show called “Beautiful People” on ABC Family — and a number of other projects are in the works. I’m talking with some great people to find new outlets for my songs, have had the honor of sharing my “Wish” album with the top figure skaters in the world at the “Smart Ones Skate America” Event last month, and went to a couple great music conferences where I got to meet and hang out with awesome emerging and established writers and performers. And several friends are having some amazing opportunities, and doing great things with them! which is fantastic and affirming, as we all work toward fulfillment and empowerment in this tricky business of art.<br><br>
And “Wish” is going so well. People are sending on such warm responses to it and such enthusiastic comments.<br><br>
Here’s one from J:<br><br>
“i L.O.V.E. it!!!!!! i know i’m a bit biased, but i was truly impressed. although i own and love all of your albums, this is my favorite. it’s so different and new and funky and fun and romantic and relaxing and sing-alongable. seriously, amazing. m and i both think so. we’ve listened to it at least 19 times and say out loud, “we know her. we heard her sing this one last year!” we’re proud. job well done!”<br><br>
How blessed I feel that people feel inspired to share such bright and kind words about the work with me…after all, how many people do wonderful work with great care and attention, but never receive this kind of affirmation? Let’s all write a fan letter to someone who doesn’t get them very often (or ever). Like your awesome sixth grade teacher. Track her/him down. Or your Mom. Or your pastor. Or your favorite local volunteer DJ. Someone whose work makes a difference in your life who might now know it. I bet it would be powerful thing! Think of how happy you could make someone in their little corner of the world!<br><br>
I am so happy in this corner of the world because of the kind words you offer. Thank you to all of you who share your thoughts and ideas about the music with me. My life is much more juicy because of YOU!<br><br>
Life is great.<br><br><u><b>I’m thankful</b></u>:<br>
1. That it’s Mark’s birthday and he’s happy, healthy, and everything else he is.<br>
2. For this crisp, cold, beautiful bluebird day<br>
3. For generous & thoughtful birthday gifts, cards, and calls for my birthday last week<br>
4. For Marla’s organizational and feng shui help yesterday<br>
5. For lovely rocks that make beautiful wallsMary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110162005-11-01T10:15:00-07:002005-11-01T10:15:00-07:00Three MinutesOh MAN! I’m so bummed…! I just spent an hour crafting a long, hopefully meaningful blog entry here, and some crazy computer thing just happened and now it’s gone! Crap!<br><br>
The gist was this:<br><br>
It’s the new moon…an excellent time to sow new seeds, begin new endeavors, pour great energy into exciting adventures.<br><br>
The next 48 hours are a really powerful time to BEGIN THINGS. So if you’ve been waiting, or hesitating, or wondering about a new venture, take this little blog entry as a sign. Do it. Just start it. Please don’t wait any longer. If you have a desire to bring something into this world, that desire is leading you somewhere important. Please do it. Start it right now. Make the call, get on the web, write a list of tasks, pull out that business card that you’ve had in the drawer for too long, and email somebody who could help. The starting feels the hardest, but things begin moving quickly after the first step.<br><br>
Tell yourself you’re only going to spend 3 minutes on it, if you’re still hesitating. THREE MINUTES. And if that’s all you can spare today, that’s okay. But then give it 3 minutes tomorrow too. And the next day. Bring your dreams to life. You KNOW you can do it. You’ve secretly known it much longer than you would consciously admit. It’s TIME.<br><br><b>Be the person who does the thing that everybody else just talks about.</b><br>
That can be YOU.<br>
And someday you can trace it back to today.<br><br>
Let me know how it goes. . .<br><br><u><b>5 Things I’m Thankful For Today:</b></u><br>
1. Suzanne’s great positive energy that stays with me for days<br>
2. A hopeful, happy outlook for the year ahead<br>
3. Oprah. I love her show. ! It’s so good!<br>
4. A good, hard workout that leaves you a little heady<br>
5. The beautiful Christmas lights we put up at the Daly house todayMary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110172005-10-31T14:50:00-07:002005-10-31T14:50:00-07:00ContributionsOne: On this last trip to California, we were using a new kind of laptop set up, which entailed some interesting finagling in the somewhat unfamiliar world of WiFi. We ended up picking up strong signals, and finding we could do basic things like access the web, retrieve emails, etc, but we couldn’t actually SEND anything. So here were all these little email replies, sitting in the out box, forlornly waiting for their chance to sling across cyberspace into a tiny little box somewhere else in the world.<br><br>
Two: After one of the private concerts in Rancho Santa Fe, a woman was asking me all kinds of questions about my creative process, our family background in music, what kind of artists I like to listen to, etc. It was a flattering conversation for the ego, since it kept getting redirected to me. . . my preferences, my habits, my history. But in its delicious indulgence — hmm, me-me-me-me-me, oh! and a little more about me — it got increasingly uncomfortable. It’s not only rude to only talk about yourself, even if asked I think, but it’s unbalanced. It causes the effort and rewards of a conversation to lean way too hard in one direction, which feels (and is) just OFF. And you miss the opportunity to learn and discover… (So in this case, I asked her more about her relationship to music, and found out some things that inspired me deeply!)<br><br>
Three: I have an acquaintance who has a habit of ‘talking over’ other people, in the sense that other people’s comments in a conversation are ignored or dashed over in lieu of this person continuing her story. Even if hers doesn't happen to be a particularly compelling story. And this happens even if the comments were complimentary to her or to the tale at hand (which I find fascinating, since isn’t it attention she’s seeking?). I find myself drained after our interactions, even if they’re short. Just empty and frustrated. So we don’t spend much time together these days.<br><br>
Four: One of the theories of performance that I love is the idea of “performance circuitry” (I am making up this name for it — there is probably a real and better title for it somewhere). It’s the idea that a performer cannot just go up there and PROJECT out at the audience and think they’ve put on a great show. There must be give and take. There must be a “circuit” of energy that begins on both sides, with the audience’s excitement (energy) building and the performer’s nervousness or anticipation (energy) building, and a constant giving and receiving of this energy throughout the show. Without it, it feels to me like a performer is playing ‘’at” me, instead of <i>for</i> me (or more appropriately, <i>with</i> me). A “dead” audience can be resuscitated…as can an exhausted touring band, just by the proper exchange of energy.<br><br>
So…there is meaning in this series of signs to me. I feel more and more strongly that it is a basic human need to CONTRIBUTE. To matter. To be heard. To be felt. To resonate.<br><br>
Without it, we feel impotent in our environments, frustrated in our friendships, anonymous in our worlds. When we are allowed and encouraged to CONTRIBUTE, suddenly our worldview takes on a significance and a power that makes us feel alive. And important in some ways. And valued. And respected.<br><br>
The movement of blogging represents for me that desire for people to create forums for their own ideas. I love sharing pieces of my world and creative leaps and hopes and milestones (and even disappointments) with you. Because this is a contribution. But even more, I love it when you write back, and comment in the forums and here, because then there is a balance — a beautiful giving and receiving that is increasingly rare.<br><br>
Thank you for your contributions that you’re all making all over the world today.<br><br>
love, mb<br><br><u><b>5 Things I’m Thankful For Today:</b></u><br>
1. Progress in resolving some long standing problems with “The Orchard” — a music distribution company with whom I’ve had “issues”<br>
2. Halloween Candy & homemade butternut squash soup — the tastes of Autumn…<br>
3. Our nice dinner with Ryan and Susie last night<br>
4. Helpful music industry people in L.A.<br>
5. A great, long meditation todayMary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110182005-10-25T05:10:00-06:002019-10-03T04:41:36-06:00The RoadThe Road… we’re on it! Here in L.A. after two lovely private concerts in the San Diego area, and staying at this funky/chic/kitschy hotel that I just love, called “The Farmer’s Daughter.” It’s right across from The Grove and the wonderful (real) Farmer’s Market of Los Angeles, which I consider the one of the most potent lifeforce hotspots in the city.<br><br>
The Farmer’s Daughter has a fascinating quirk: its guests win big money on “The Price Is Right!,” which films at the CBS Studios across the street. When we were checking in, we noticed a small altar of polaroids in the lobby of former guests who had won money and prizes on the show. I started looking closely and noticed that a number of the people had won in just the previous weeks. (”Hey…if this music thing doesn’t work out…”). A curly haired brunette came rushing in looking for her friends while we were getting our keys. She seemed a little high strung for the generally laid back vibe of the Farmer’s Daughter. Later I heard her on her cell phone telling someone that she’d just won over $7200! of cash and prizes! and a home gym! and a new computer!! It was awesome.<br><br>
I love this place.<br><br>
I always enjoy L.A., with its creative projects coming to fruition and hope and windfalls and drama all around, the old cars that haven’t rusted, the vintage clothing junkies who look straight out of 1959, the jangly walk of the musicians on Sunset and the wide eyed tourists everywhere. And the crazy dichotomies . . . the egg-white no-oil omelette breakfasts that the skinny movie stars pick at versus the massive, unholy stack of 7 grain almond granola pancakes we devoured this morning at Canter’s 24 hour deli & cafe; the vintage and the newest; the dreamy and the (really, deeply) jaded.<br><br>
POSSIBILITY (of fate stepping in, of opportunity knocking and you answering promptly, of being asked to “COME ON DOWN!!”) keeps this world an interesting place for me. It keeps me on the Road.<br><br><u><b>5 Things I’m Thankful For Today:</b></u><br>
1. Kari and Mike’s and Rhonda and Peter’s beautiful concerts and attentive, gracious guests this weeked<br>
2. A great catch up email message from a girl I knew in grade school<br>
3. Nice NU people that I met and got to visit with last night<br>
4. The artistic accomplishments of people I’m honored to know<br>
5. Successful people who ‘give back’ in big and small waysMary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110192005-10-19T08:00:00-06:002005-10-19T08:00:00-06:00Circle of DesireCircle of Desire seems to be emerging as one of those songs that people either ” get” or they don’t, it’s a favorite or a mystery, and I think I’m okay with that. . . Melissa Manchester told me: “You had me at the pancakes…”, which was lovely to hear from such a beautiful writer. Yet an accomplished music publisher recently told me: “I’m not sure I get it…it seems kind of like the person doesn’t know what she wants.”<br><br>
Maybe desire is like that.<br><br>
Maybe sometimes desire is clear and strong and certain; we know the moment it knocks that this path is one we’re going to take. We recognize this journey as one that’s pulling us in, and we’re onboard for the long haul.<br><br>
And yet sometimes desire is less focused. It seems to lead us around, dabbling in this, checking out that, exploring there and nibbling on this little thing here — the grand time waster. Maybe it drives us right up close to our dearest goals, and then has to duke it out with fear (or guilt or distraction) before it can nudge us that final few yards to fruition.<br><br>
I wrote this song to explore the idea of conflicting desires … what a wonderful element of these times to have the choices most of us have, and yet how complicated it is to reconcile all the possibilities available to us. To travel, to form long meaningful friendships, to recognize the depth of one true love of your life, to be a nurturing parent, to be delightfully single, to have a loving, constant partner, to be crazy and irresponsible and light, to be richly productive and make lasting impacts on this world — these are but a wisp of the paths we can explore.<br><br>
Do you have desires that conflict with each other? Do any areas of your lives seem to fight with each other? How do you manage those conflicts? How well does it work?<br><br>
There is an artist part of me that is very “right now” and serves me well when inspiration stops by. I hear the phrase for a cool line in a song and I’ll stop everything and write it down or go play the piano and figure out what it’s trying to tell me. But ole’ “Right Now” can be a pain in the neck, too. It wants to drop the mail wherever it may land as soon as I come in the door, to leave Starbucks cups and empty water bottles and advertising flyers in my car until there’s barely room for me — let alone a passenger, to wait and wait and wait until I finally recognize the critical mass of a situation before I address it. Right Now doesn’t like maintenance, and discipline; things like working out everyday, eating healthfully meal by meal, changing the car’s oil or brake pads at regular intervals. And it costs me later. (Sometimes, as the good people of Jiffy Lube and Midas could tell you from my visits this weekend, in very literal ways. ) ‘Right now’ versus ‘bit by bit’…(or “Bird by Bird” as Anne Lamotte would say). These two argue in me.<br><br>
It’s been pretty constant travel for the last couple months. Home in Illinois, a quick trip to New York for a wedding, Toronto, in Chicago again for a school reunion, then music stuff in Durango, CO. Some interesting things while on the road– like Race Car Driving Camp, which rocked — and less interesting things upon returning, like the need-to-be-laundered clothing explosion that is carpeting most of the house as we head out on another trip without fully catching up. I did at least get to the dishes, which were starting to look like an abstract sculpture/very suspenseful drinking game. When I’m in Utah for long stretches (which almost never happens anymore, but…) I get wistful for new sights and sounds and tastes and ideas. Yet when I’m gone so much, there is almost nothing I crave more than the familiarity and comfort of being here in the mountains, in Park City’s casual, laid back, recreational vibe. I can step out the door and go for a hike; grab my cross country gear out of the car and go out to the track for an hour; I can see ten people I know at the Post Office and chat for twenty minutes while getting the mail; I could go to the grocery store in my pajama bottoms and no one would look twice. (I don’t — but I COULD.) Home and away… different conflicts.<br><br>
There’s a quote that stays with me, and I wish I knew who said it — let me know if one of you knows this — it goes: “You can have every single thing you might want in life. But you might not be able to have it all at the same time.” Sometimes this idea is frustrating to me, but most of the time it’s comforting. Maybe I don’t need to be the best lover, friend, parent, sister, artist, businesswoman, housekeeper, BLOG keeper!, athlete, visionary, mentor, traveler, daughter… ALL THE TIME. Maybe I can work really hard to do the best I can in the areas that are calling me and asking my attention right now. Maybe the Circle of Desire is about flowing from one desire and energy to another with grace, and respect for oneself.<br><br>
And maybe it’s about other things too…. Please tell me what YOU think.<br><br><u><b>5 Things I’m Thankful For Today:</b></u><br>
1. Good loose-leaf tea<br>
2. Yin Chuau (sp?) and Garden of Life vitamins for helping my body stay healthy<br>
3. My Mom for being understanding about the November show<br>
4. The cool people I’m going to see in SD and LA next week (The Perrys, Rhonda & Peter, Don, Felice, Heather, Karin, Glenn, Debbie, & more)<br>
5. The amazing emails and notes I’ve been receiving from people who are connecting with “Wish”Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110202005-10-13T15:25:00-06:002021-01-22T23:41:10-07:00Being HomeHey everybody…<br><br>
I’ve missed you! September is a blur… hurricanes, tragic stories, inspiring stories…tons of travel, lots of good work to do with the new record, barely keeping up with life but feeling the power and fullness of each minute of the day. It feels amazing to be home, breathing again, and here with you.<br><br>
I want to thank ALL the people who have generously taken the time to write comments here and in the forum. It’s just wondrous and inspiring to read the deep and beautiful thoughts of all of you who contribute and share your feelings. Thank you so much.<br><br>
Although it’s great to explore, it’s always good to be home. I’ll pick up with our album discussion with a Circle of Desire topic tomorrow.<br><br>
Thanks again,<br>
mb<br><br><u><b>5 Things I’m Thankful For Today:</b></u><br>
1. a relaxed, beautiful dinner with Mark tonight<br>
2. Fresh crisp cotton sheets (do I put this all the time? I’m thankful for them all the time)<br>
3. moments of calm<br>
4. whirls of excitement<br>
5. the simple joys of maintenance: emptying the dishwasher, doing laundry, going through mailMary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110242005-08-29T12:20:00-06:002005-08-29T12:20:00-06:00Deeper LoveThere is a depth in everything. Sometimes the depth is in the core essence, sometimes in the hidden side, the shadow side. Sometimes it’s the history, or the untold stories of all the people involved. But I continually find as I look at moments, situations, people, comments, I always seem to discover that there is more to it than I ever know instantly.<br><br>
Still, we must move along at a decent clip. Chop, chop! The world’s a busy, fast paced place. And people like Malcolm Gladwell hypothesize in fascinating books like “Blink” that there are many things that we take in almost instantly … much faster than we should be able to, and we’re usually right about the ’snap’ judgements we make. In other words: when our ‘conscious mind’ stays out of the way, our instinctual self gives us the goods.<br><br>
Love works exactly in support of both sides of this story. I think in love, we almost ALWAYS feel something about a person we’ll be in love with someday. Carolyn Myss would call it ‘animation’ — I might call it ‘carbonation’ — but whether frustration, attraction, interest, delight, or dislike, I think you feel SOMETHING when you first intersect with a person who will be important to you. And yet there must be something deeper to draw you in. A love affair can’t subsist on instant chemistry forever — at least one of mine can’t — so we trawl for depth. We find it in something that transports us from the ‘regularness’ of today. . So we look in history. Or the confidence of new, mutual connection. Or more spontaneous, uninhibited actions…other sides of ourselves that we’ve forgotten or neglected. Or long, involved conversations. Or thrilling sex. Or making things. And our regular today fills with significance. And life is suddenly amazing again, buzzing. Carbonated even. <br><br>
So here we are at “Deeper Love.”<br><br>
Does love have to be deep to matter? Does it have to last a long time to mean something?<br><br>
What does it mean to be “in deep” when it comes to love?<br><br>
Is it ever good for love to NOT be deep?<br><br>
If someone tells you they want a deeper love, what does that mean to you? Can you give it to them, or do they need to find it themselves?<br><br>
How have you ever been transported by deep love? What form did it take?<br><br>
Does depth in love have more to do with character or desire?<br><br>
Would you “rather be alone than give up real chemistry?”<br><br>
Would you rather be with someone you don’t love than be alone?<br><br>
What does it mean to be alone?<br><br>
Can you have everything you want in one relationship?<br><br><u><b>5 Things I’m Thankful For Today:</b></u><br>
1. Chet and Lillian’s nice visit this weekend<br>
2. An excellent massage yesterday<br>
3. The beautiful new flowers at the 24 Daly house<br>
4. Ennio Morricone’s The Mission soundtrack, as played by YoYo Ma. Gorgeous.<br>
5. That I can share info and ideas with other artists, like Junior and Faith<br><br>
Have a great week ahead!Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110252005-08-23T13:20:00-06:002005-08-23T13:20:00-06:00This Is Our LifeI am not Diane Warren. She is famous in the songwriting community for two things: writing humongous hits and having fantastic discipline. As the legend goes, she writes first thing in the morning, from 6 a.m. until noon everyday. It apparently works for her, eighty Grammys later (or something like that.:-) I imagine her workspace, clear, somewhat organized, a spot in whiche one is able to find the line six pages and a two weeks ago that might actually work with the verse now.<br><br>
Diane’s story is not isolated. Hemingway wrote every morning. Stevie Wonder writes a new song every day. Ray Charles did scales on the piano religiously each day. There is a pattern here that us looser creative types might take note of with some serious attention.<br><br>
My habits are not as structured, as anyone close to me will attest. I mean to write everyday, but it doesn’t happen alot of the time. But writing still happens. Maybe it’s when there’s no other way for a particular idea or emotion to find its way out into the world. As Catie Curtis says, “good writing happens at the intersection of images from life and the stuff that you’re spending a lot of emotional energy on.” I think that’s brilliant. Giving your emotional obsessions a face, a picture to represent them, allows them to resonate in a more concrete way for others (and yourself, probably!). So since working with Catie at a songwriting camp in Colorado years ago, I’ve tried to remember to keep images present as I try to write about feelings.<br><br>
But life is funny. And sometimes unstructured. And sometimes the rules go out the window and something interesting flies back in. I wrote “This Is Our Life” in one sitting, at the piano in the living room as I stared out at the snow and the evergreen trees, scrawling it down on the back of a lyric sheet to another song with a crappy (dying) pen. I cried, bawled, as I wrote it, thinking of all the images that make up our life and all the ways I love the people in it. I couldn’t get through the verses without choking up, even after I’d been working on it for a couple hours (that felt like twenty minutes).<br><br>
I looked at it on the page and it was missing everything — there were no images, no examples, none of the usual ways I try to make sure a song makes sense. But I couldn’t change it. There was a purity in the way this song made it to the page that I just didn’t want to get in the way of.<br><br>
I hope you like it. I hope it means something to you the way it does to me, and I hope that all the things you see around you and the people that matter to you give you the same kind of personal montage during this song in the same way it does for me.<br><br>
And now… a couple questions:<br><br>
How do we balance the different sides of observing and experiencing our lives? Are they mutually exclusive?<br><br>
Do the things around us truly represent our lives? Our possessions? Our friends? Our families?<br><br>
How fine is the line between laughing and crying? What other emotions run parallel with each other?<br><br>
How does your family grow and bend?<br><br>
What are you making that you hope to leave behind?<br><br>
What other elements besides those mentioned in the song make up your life? Is there more than friends/family/work/love/learning/coping/thankfulness, etc?<br><br>
A<b><u>nd speaking of Thankfulness — I am thankful today for:</u></b><br>
1. All the people who helped create and design the record<br>
2. Craig’s great ideas and determination to make them happen<br>
3. People’s faith in one another<br>
4. Full, fascinating, productive days<br>
5. The fun tv interview last night and radio interview I’m looking forward to tonightMary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110262005-08-18T07:25:00-06:002005-08-18T07:25:00-06:00BetterIn continuance of our succinct singer-ly socratic dialogue here, I’ll provide more poetic points to ponder. Hmm. Fun with alliteration. . .<br><br>
What does it mean to you to be loved “just right”? Are we ever loved just right?<br><br>
Can we love the ones we love any better than we do? If we can, why don’t we?<br><br>
What kind of love makes you lose your senses?<br><br>
Is that rush of new infatuation a different universe of sorts? Does it have its own rules?<br><br>
Is it ever dangerous to be in love like that? Is it ever good for you? Do you recognize it at the time, or later?<br><br>
Where is the line between being loved ‘just right’ and being loved too much?<br><br>
What has to be present inside us to be able to love better and better?<br><br>
Can loving someone better make you a better person?<br><br>
Why does passion sometimes make us reckless? Is it worth it?<br><br>
Does true love always change you in some way?<br><br>
Can someone really meet all our basic needs? If so, for how long?<br><br>
Well there we are for today. Hope you have a better day than you even imagined!<br><br>
5 Things I’m Thankful For Today:<br>
1. The fun evening at BBKing last night with great people<br>
2. My “sick eggs” breakfast this morning. (I’m not sick, it’s a childhood thing…)<br>
3. That my Ipod shuffle rocks my workout<br>
4. Good sleep<br>
5. Great support from the newspaper, tv, and radio pressMary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110272005-08-12T12:15:00-06:002005-08-12T12:15:00-06:00Your First TimeDo you remember the first time you heard an album that would change your life?<br><br>
I remember the first time I heard Joni Mitchell’s Blue. . . it was already old then, but I wondered where I had been all that time, to not have personally discovered this woman whose writing was so amazing and voice was so pure.<br><br>
And Shawn Colvin’s Fat City… about ten people had told me how good it was, and so decided to get it. I bought it from this great little dive record store in Chicago and couldn’t listen to it until after my waitress shift that night. I got home at 2 a.m., wired and tired from slinging Guinness, and I had to hear it. So I put it in the stereo, put on my headphones, and laid on my bed with my head hanging off the back so the cord would reach. And in the dark, in my tiny room, I heard Polaroids begin to play and I was changed.<br><br>
Music is brilliant that way. It accompanies so much of our lives — sometimes as the full focus, sometimes as an incidental companion to our moments.<br><br>
I’ve received amazing letters from people who have found resonance of my songs in their lives in very special ways. Thank you for sharing these stories with me. It is the most unexpected resulting gift of creating this music. It humbles me and makes me realize, yet again, that songs come from a bigger source, with a higher plan than I can usually imagine. I feel incredibly blessed to be one of the ways music finds a path into this world.<br><br>
If you have a story, please share it here as a comment, or visit with us on the forum. I’d love to hear it. Thanks.<br><br><u><b>5 Things I’m Thankful For Today:</b></u><br>
1. That music has the amazing power that it does, and I can both experience it and hopefully, facilitate it.<br>
2. That orders and positive responses to the cd are coming in so abundantly!<br>
3. That I got to see and visit with a number of the musicians who worked on the cd when I delivered promo copies yesterday.<br>
4. That the show coming up on August 24th feels like it’s going to be such a blast. Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110282005-08-10T07:20:00-06:002005-08-10T07:20:00-06:00Back and Ready to RockAh yes…well…the blog. It appears that while waiting for the cds to arrive, I had all the time in the world to wax poetic about the red and blue states of creativity, discuss the fine points of being a productive member of the songwriting world, and to sashay down memory lane to examine what I’ve hopefully learned from squidgy moments of my past. But alas…the cds arrived, life took a turn toward the insanely task-filled, and I’ve neglected our little online venue here. I apologize.<br><br>
But now I’m back. Still working within the confines of three-notebook-page lists of things to accomplish each day, but excited that all is well and “WISH” is finding its way beautifully into the world. Already hundreds of people have ordered and purchased the record, and I’m so thrilled at the responses so far. I’m feeling really good about our sales goal for the first 30 days being reached, perhaps even early. Thank you to all of you who’ve ordered from here on the site.<br><br>
Today I was in a bookstore and my cd was playing when I walked in. I mellowly soaked in the surreal sense of knowing every nuance of the atmospheric music until “Goin’ On” came on and I couldn’t help but groove out just a little bit. (I wasn’t like <i>grinding the cardrack</i> or anything; just some rocking back and forth and toe tapping, probably). A 17 year old clerk asked the other 17 year old clerk “who is this?” And as she told him my name, I couldn’t stand the suspense of whether he was admiring the music or not, so I turned around and said “it’s me.” He was very sweet and polite, and a little flustered; I still don’t know whether he was really digging it or just got busted, but it was a funny moment either way. And “Wish” is apparently selling like hotcakes there. So, sweet!<br><br><u><b>5 Things I’m Thankful for Today:</b></u><br>
1. That my music is playing when I walk into public places. Strange, but cool.<br>
2. That I got a long, newsy letter from Peter filling me in.<br>
3. That our concert on Sunday was *so much fun* and that our audience was so wonderful.<br>
4. That I’m hearing from old friends and fans that I haven’t been in touch with in too long.<br>
5. That I feel so much support about “Wish.” Thank you everybody!Mary Beth Maziarztag:marybethmusic.com,2005:Post/110292005-07-28T06:20:00-06:002005-07-28T06:20:00-06:00War of the WorldsThe year that Alanis Morrisette won like a dozen Grammys for Jagged Little Pill, one of her acceptance speeches stuck in my mind. I don’t remember it exactly, but the gist was:<br>
“There is plenty of room up here for all of you who are writing music and want to share it with the world. Hold onto your dreams and you’ll be here too.”<br>
____________________________<br><br>
Lily Wilson and I were emailing back and forth recently, two songwriters talking about what was working, what’s new, where we were finding some good opportunities, and it was so nice. Lily is a great performer and songwriter with this beautiful, kind, earthy spirit. It makes me feel good just to be around her, and when we touch base, it always feels positive.<br><br>
And Dana and Dan from Motherlode couldn’t be nicer. They’re always fun and supportive, enthusiastic about their music and the exciting things other people are producing. They invite guest singers up. They share their occasional struggles and frustrations with the music, and sometimes ask for ideas. They smile and thank those who give them compliments. The community loves them.<br><br>
And there are incredible writers like Jimmy Webb, Melissa Manchester, and Beth Neilsen Chapman, who from a position of amazing career success, share insights and offer praise to developing songwriters with real concern for the work and the person. They somehow avoid the temptation to see the world as “us vs. them” and instead seem able to just enjoy the journey, all of us together on a creative path.<br><br>
Which is not always the case with some other songwriters I know.<br><br>
There’s the “Big Talker,” who upon meeting, instantly launches into a monologue about all the ways his career is awesome, his sales are through the roof, his manager/agent/publicist are all hustling with maximum warp effort since audiences can’t get ENOUGH of his latest release. And when he politely remembers to ask about you, time grows short and focus drifts.<br><br>
And then there’s the “Close-lipped Talker,” who somehow manages to get the word out about his recent deals, yet never elaborates or offers support or suggestions to anyone else. Ever. Close-Lipped Talkers will happily, graciously accept compliments, but never offer them. They seem intentionally vague when asked a specific question, and uncommittal when asked for a favor or contact. They’re often quite talented, but it’s hard to love their work with true enthusiasm — or at least it is for me. I have a hard time separating the work from the personality, even though this is probably not always wise.<br><br>
Lastly, there’s the “Not Interested in Talking” writer. This is the person who performs at the open mics or jam nights, but isn’t interested at all in allowing anyone else into their creative sanctum. I understand that some people are private, and art is often an intensely private enterprise on many levels, but I also hear many “NIIT”s complaining that “people just don’t recognize good music when they hear it” or “booking guys are idiots” etc, while refusing to ever consider that their work could be fine-tuned or improved in some ways (as ALL of ours could!). They often approach the marketing side of their writing career very professionally, with glossy presskits and slick demos, very shi-shi acoutrements, when the work itself is perhaps not yet ready to be showcased.<br>
_________________________________<br><br>
So it seems to me that there are two worlds out there. . .<br><br>
There’s the OPEN world where communication and sharing is paramount; where people help each other, offer support, share contacts, give compliments, stay open to learning, laugh together, keep in touch, refer gigs, link sites, give credit, and give thanks. In this world, the journey itself is acknowleged and valued, and you might laugh and feel human as you travel your path, and you enjoy it a lot of the time. Alanis did a great job in her Grammy speech of sweeping the door to this world ever-wider for young hopeful songwriters. (It was already open, but they might not have known). Being a member of this world takes FAITH. If you don’t have faith that it all comes around, it’s hard to be generous.<br><br>
And there’s the other world, a CLOSED world, where each person is single-mindedly out for his or herself and guards ferociously what’s theirs. Here, people need to keep themselves as the center of attention, they worry about status, keep their best contacts and ideas locked away, see others’ triumphs as taking away from their own opportunities, blame other people for their failures, keep their disappointments secret, insist on doing it their one way, and put a LOT of energy into how things LOOK, even to the detriment of how things are. In this world, the journey is taking way too long and according to members, is harder and more grueling than anyone else can imagine. And the victories are short and too far between. This world is fueled by insecurity, and inhabited by a lot of fear. We all visit this world sometimes. It kind of sucks.<br><br>
The bumper sticker says: “Be the change you want to see in the world.” Well if your world — of songwriting or any other kind of competitive side of life — isn’t what you want to be seeing, let’s take a big fat step toward the OPEN world and see if it helps. I think it will.<br><br><u><b>Things I’m Thankful For Today:</b></u><br>
1. That JP just called and referred a great gig to me. (as I was writing this! Exactly! wow…)<br>
2. That I made excellent progress in revamping my office yesterday (it’s now fun and serene)<br>
3. Zone bars, veggie burgers, and Chai. (Maybe too happy about Chai…ummm)<br>
4. My Ipod for creating good setlists for the upcoming shows<br>
5. Beautiful sheets…gotta love em.Mary Beth Maziarz